


The Helmsman's Compass

by SelenaEstella



Series: Navigation [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: (slightly) aged-up characters, Adding Tags As I Think Of Them, Body Horror, Fluff, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Helmsman, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Memory Loss, Murder, Non-Sgrub, Other, Violence, helmsman!Sollux, non-game au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-20 02:46:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 25,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/580432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelenaEstella/pseuds/SelenaEstella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even a starship needs a guide to freedom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. > Sollux: Connect

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is my first fic with lots of logs, and also my first multi-chapter fic on this site. I hope I did ok! Please tell me if I messed anything up.
> 
> Also, there is definitely more to come, since it is pre-written. Alas, editing and such does take a very long time and is also very boring, and I do have school and stuff but there should be fairly regular updates.

> Sollux: Connect

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NO NETWORK FOUND--

\--TRY AGAIN? -- **Y** /N--

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NO NETWORK FOUND--

\--TRY AGAIN? -- **Y** /N--

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NO NETWORK FOUND--

\--TRY AGAIN? -- **Y** /N--

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NETWORK FOUND--

\--CONNECT TO NETWORK? -- **Y** /N--

\--YOU ARE NOW ONLINE--

> Karkat: Answer troll

Look, you have had a stressful day so far. You really don’t have time for this and no one is scheduled to contact you for another—

...What the shit?

TA: _hello?_   
TA: _iis anyone there?_  
TA: _plea2e_  
TA: _ii dont want to be alone_  
TA: _hello?_   
CG: YEAH, SOLLUX, I’M HERE.  
TA: _KK_  
TA: _thank fuck_  
CG: WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR QUIRK?  
TA: _ii dont know_  
TA: _where am ii?_  
TA: _do you know what happened two me?_

> Karkat: Don’t freak the fuck out.

You fail to not freak the fuck out. You are suddenly terrified for reasons you can’t quite explain, but it feels as if a cold iron hand is slowly beginning to tighten around your chest, and you have to pause and remind your body that deep breaths are still a thing that can happen, thanks.

You keep on typing.

CG: OH, NO, SHIT.  
CG: I THOUGHT YOU WENT OFF TO DO YOUR OWN THING.  
TA  _no_  
TA: _ii dont remember_  
TA: _ii dont remember anything_  
TA: _ii have an iidea what happened but_  
TA: _ii dont want two thiink about iit_  
TA: _ii dont thiink ii want two remember_  
CG: WHY? IT'S OK. TELL ME. WHATEVER IT IS YOU'LL BE FINE.  
CG: ALSO USE SOME GODDAMN PUNCTUATION  
CG: YOUR QUIRK IS RETCHINGLY PAINFUL ENOUGH AS IT IS.

You swallow, and steel yourself for his answer. This situation is quickly shaping itself out to be one of the worst shitchafing things that has ever happened to either of you, ever, but you aren't going to flip your shit over it when you only know this much. It's probably nothing. Besides, you are Sollux's friend and you are _going_ to be there for him whether you like it or not.

Fuck.

TA: _ye2_   
TA: _ii gue22 ii can tell you_  
TA: _oh god ii thiink_  
TA: _they got me_  
TA: _ii thiink_  
TA: _iim iin a shiip_   
CG: WHAT.

You pray to the deity you don't believe in that he doesn't mean that like you think he does. Sollux is obviously kinda confused, he is jumping to conclusions, and you are really only telling yourself this because the thought of him being right is horrifying

TA: _ii thiink ii AM a shiip_  
CG: NO. STOP. SOLLUX, YOU'RE CONFUSED, ARE YOU SURE?  
TA: _ii am pretty goddamn 2ure KK_  
TA: _what el2e could have happened?_  
CG: ANYTHING! ANYTHING ELSE! TA: _fuck_  
CG: SOLLUX.  
TA: _no ii am 2ure_  
TA: _they diid 2omethiing two me and ii cant remember_  
TA: _but iive done re2earch and 2hiit and anyway ii just KNOW_  
CG: ALRIGHT FINE. AND I FORGIVE YOU FOR YOUR LACK OF APOSTROPHES UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES.  
CG: JESUS FUCK.  
CG: AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING HOLY SHIT.

What was that about not freaking the fuck out?

You take a moment to breathe. Ok. Ok, Karkat, you _can_ deal with this. If what he’s saying is true then he must be even more terrified than you could ever imagine yourself to be, to keep a lid on your fuckage and stay calm. For Sollux.

TA: _KK_  
TA: _KK PLEA2E_  
TA: _tell me iit wiill be alriight_  
TA: _iim 2cared and alone and iit2 dark and cold_  
TA: _KK ii cant 2ee_  
TA: _KK II CANT FEEL MY HANDS_  
CG: SOLLUX, SHUT UP, CALM DOWN FOR A SECOND.  
TA: _NO NO NO NO_  
CG: SOLLUX!  
CG: OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT  
CG: IT’LL BE ALRIGHT, JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN!  
TA: _iit wont be alriight_  
TA: _iim fucked iim gone iit can never be alriight_  
CG: NO, SOLLUX  
TA: _people dont come back from thii2 you iidiiot!_  
CG: YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO TELL YOU IT WOULD BE FINE, SHIT FOR BRAINS!  
CG: LOOK I’M TRYING TO KEEP CALM HERE SO YOU BETTER TRY TOO. YOU ARE NOT SOME PAN DEAD WIGGLER. YOU CAN DEAL WITH THIS AND YOU WILL. YOU GOT THAT SOLLUX?!  
TA: _iill try_  
TA: _but iim 2o fuckiing 2cared KK_  
TA: _iim not ok there2 2omethiing wrong wiith me_  
CG: YEAH NO BLOODY SHIT.  
CG: I’M GOING TO TRY AND SORT THIS SHIT OUT. JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE. I NEED TO THINK.

\-- carcinoGenecist [CG] is now an idle troll! --

You get up. As much as it pains you to leave him, orchestrating a rescue attempt is the most important thing right now and to do that, you’ll need facts and figures that Sollux can’t give. Because _of course_ you're going to rescue him, what the fuck else would you do? The idea of leaving him there is so demented it doesn't even function as a concept and should be culled instantly for sheer incompetence of being.

You get out your palmtop and scroll through your contacts. It’s a more irritating form of communication than using your computer, but you have no idea how Sollux is contacting you at all, and you do _not_ want to mess it up.

Aradia... she'd definitely want to help Sollux, though you don’t really know how she's actually do that... at least she’d be willing, though... Tavros would be too but lets face it he’s pretty useless... Sollux is the one you’re _trying_ to help and you doubt contacting him through Trollian would work anyway...

Nepeta would definitely want to rescue any friend of hers, but Equius dragged her into hiding a few nights ago and her husktop doesn’t seem to be getting any signal. So neither of them are of any use. You wish the sweaty bastard could’ve  _at least_ told you what was up before disappearing off the face of the planet, goddammit, it probably has something to do with this...

Kanaya’s gone down to the Brooding Caverns already, for some reason, so she’s probably not an option... Terezi will help though. Definitely. And you’d like to say the same about Vriska but she’s off... being a pirate somewhere or something... Actually she could be a _huge_ help if a) she wasn't genetically programmed to be awful and b) if you could just get hold of her for more than a few seconds at a time, lousy spider-bitch...

Gamzee you can lay your life one, so getting him to help out with this disaster will be easy. Plus, being as high on the spectrum as he is, he’s very influential. With Terezi, too, you might actually be able to do something!

Yeah that's pretty wishful thinking.

Eridan is such a desperate tool you can probably get him involved somehow. And Feferi—

You stop. No one, not even Eridan, has heard for Feferi for days now. You don’t like to think about what she’s probably doing, about coming of age and fighting the Condesce, and about how she’s very likely do die trying.

You push the thoughts from your mind. You have enough on your eating platter already without thinking about the Heiress.

You turn back to your computer. A wall of yellow text has built up in your absence and you curse quietly to yourself as you hastily type a reply.

TA: _what_  
TA: _KK?_  
TA: _KK where are you?_  
TA: _you had better 2tiill be there KK_  
TA: _ii 2wear two god_   
TA: _even youre not that 2hiitty two do that riight?_   
TA: _plea2e_  
TA: _KK??_  
TA: _KK WHERE ARE YOU??_  
TA: _PLEA2E AN2WER IIM 2O FUCKIING 2CARED KK_  
TA: _KK!_  
TA: _OH GOD_  
TA: _OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD_  
TA: _FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK_  
TA: _IT HURT2_  
TA: _KK II AM 2CARED AND IIN PAIIN AND YOU LEFT ME LIIKE THE DOUCHEBAG YOU ARE!_   
CG: YES, I’M HERE, JESUS.  
CG: I’M TRYING TO MAKE A PLAN TO SAVE YOUR MISERABLE ASS!  
TA: _FUCK YOU IIM TERRIIFIIED_  
TA: _THEY CUT MY FUCKIING HANDS OFF KK_  
TA: _AND MY FUCKIING LEG2_  
TA: _AND MY EYE2, FUCK, MY EYE2!_  
CG: PANICKING ISN’T GOING TO HELP, SOLLUX!  
CG: PLEASE, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, CALM DOWN!  
TA: _YOU TRY CALMIING DOWN WHEN YOUVE BEEN FUCKIING VIIVII2ECTED_  
CG: SERIOUSLY, SOLLUX, PASSING OUT FROM A PANIC ATTACK ISN'T GOING TO HELP.  
CG: NEITHER IS BURSTING A BLOOD VESSEL.  
CG: IF THAT IS EVEN STILL A THING YOU CAN DO.  
CG: SHIT.

CG: SOLLUX???  
TA: _2orry KK_  
TA: _iim here_  
TA: _and iim much calmer now_   
CG: OK GOOD. JUST TRY NOT TO GO SILENT LIKE THAT AGAIN.  
CG: I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS.  
CG: PLEASE ANSWER AS WELL AS YOU FUCKING CAN  
CG: **CALMLY**  
TA: _ok_  
CG: ALRIGHT FIRST QUESTION THEN:  
CG: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE YOU ARE?  
CG: I MEAN ARE YOU STILL SOMEWHERE ON-PLANET? OR ARE YOU IN SPACE ALREADY?  
TA: _iim not sure but_  
TA: _ii thiink ii would know iif ii was iin 2pace_  
TA: _and actually beiing used as a_  
TA: _yeah_  
CG: OK  
CG: OK, GOOD.  
CG: THIS MAKES THINGS EASIER.  
CG: SECOND QUESTION: HOW THE BULGEROCKING FUCKNUGGETS ARE YOU SENDING THESE MESSAGES IF YOU’VE BEEN PUT IN A  
CG: BLOCK  
CG: ALREADY?  
TA: _iim_  
TA: _not actually sure?_  
CG: GREAT HELP, SOLLUX. REALLY USEFUL.  
TA: _2orry KK_  
CG: DON’T FUCKING APOLOGIZE WHEN *I’M* BEING A DOUCHBAG, IDIOT.  
CG: JUST ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION AS BEST AS YOU CAN.  
TA: _ii gue22 ii managed two hack the network 2omehow?_  
TA: _ii thiink iim 2orta mentally typiing thii2?_  
CG: OK  
CG: WEIRD BUT OK.  
CG: WAIT, DO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE CONNECTED TO THE SHIP’S MAINFRAME?  
TA: _that_  
TA: _2ound2 liike a thiing that ii2 very liikely two be true_  
CG: CAN YOU ACCESS ANYTHING?  
TA: _ii can try_  
TA: _hang on a 2ec_

TA: _ju2t gettiing a lot of ACCE22 DENIIED riight now_   
TA: _and iit hurt2 ow_  
TA: _but iill keep tryiing_   
CG: YES. GOOD. KEEP IT UP.  
TA: _maybe ii could giive you coordiinates?_  
CG: MAYBE, BUT  
CG: SHIT  
TA: _ii2 there anythiing el2e ii can do?_  
TA: _anythiing el2e YOU can do?_  
TA: _ii cant ju2t wriiggle out of here_  
TA: _a2 much a2 ii would love two_  
CG: I WILL DO SOMETHING. I WON'T LEAVE YOU THERE.  
CG: BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT. OR NOT AT THE MOMENT AT LEAST.  
CG: I'M KIND OF IN MY OWN SHIT TOO, BUT IT'S NOTHING NEXT TO THIS AND I CAN DEAL WITH THAT CRAP TO HELP YOU.  
CG: I’M GONNA GET YOU OUT, OK? YOU ARE GOING TO BE FINE.  
TA: _ok_  
CG: IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT ME TO BABBLE ON ABOUT?  
CG: I'M GOING TO CONTACT TEREZI AND SEE WHAT SHE CAN DO. DAMMIT, SOLLUX, I SWEAR I'LL HELP YOU.  
TA: _thank you_  
TA: _ii thiink_

\-- CONNECTION FLUCTUATING --

Your blood goes cold. You stare at the screen.

_No._

CG: OH MY GOD  
TA: _oh 2hiit_  
CG: OH MY GOD  
TA: _giive me a 2econd_  
CG: I DON'T THINK WE HAVE A SECOND, SOLLUX!  
CG: FUCKING HELL.

TA: _(64657370,616972)_  
CG: OH MY GOD, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, OH GOD

\-- CONNECTION FLUCTUATING --

CG: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD  
TA: _THO2E ARE THE COORDIINATE2_  
TA: _calm the fuck down_  
CG: I PROMISE, I SWEAR, I'LL FIND YOU.  
TA: _holy crap thii2 2y2tem ii2 pretty goddamn neat_  
TA: _2eriiou2ly iif you could 2ee thii2 you would love iit_   
CG: JUST HANG IN THERE I WON’T BE LONG  
TA: _ii tru2t you KK_  
TA: _fuck ii cant hold iit_  
TA: _KK_  
TA: _iim 2tiill fuckiing terriifiied_  
TA: _but ii tru2t you_  
TA: _2o_

\-- CONNECTION LOST --

CG: OH MY GOD, NO.

It’s gone.

 _He’s_ gone.

You slam your fists down on the desk again and again and again; you scream until your throat burns and your voice goes hoarse; you grab the nearest thing to you – a DVD case one of your favourites, with DVD inside – and fling it as far as you can across your respiteblock. You hear something smash but you’re too busy grabbing everything that isn’t your computer or somehow connected to it and flinging it across the room.

Eventually, you are out of things to throw and your throat hurts way too much to start screaming again. You stand, panting and staring at the wreck which was once your block, and squash down the urge to start yelling at _yourself_ for doing something so stupid.

Then you hurl yourself back into your chair and actually start to get something _done._


	2. > Sollux: Hang in There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was easy because no chatlogs. They won't necessarily be once-a-day updates.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

> Sollux: Hang in there.

Well, from what you know of Helmsmen, there isn’t a lot else you could be doing. However, while your mind is awake and connected to the ship, your body is still partially asleep and you can’t feel a lot of anything. Just that... there are parts of you missing.

You try not to think about it. Karkat told you to stay calm, and the thought of bits of you having been surgically removed fills you with panic. You try not to think about your situation _at all_.

Instead, you think about your friends. You think about Aradia, and about Feferi; about the douchebags and everyone you hate platonically but couldn’t live without regardless. You think about what they may be doing, trying not to worry about whether they're ok.

You wonder if they know what's happened yet.

Karkat had thought you were off on your own. Did any of the others know already? Will Karkat tell them? You’re not sure what you want in regards to that – you don’t want to be seen as pitiful and weak, you hate yourself enough without others thinking that about you, but the idea of them all going about their daily lives under the illusion that you’re perfectly fine makes it feel hard to breathe, even though you can tell, however distantly, that your lungs are working smoothly.

The truth is that you desperately don’t want to be forgotten. You don’t want to be left hanging from the biowires until the ship takes off and you become nothing more than a troll battery until you reach your limit and your brains start spilling from your ears and you _die._ You don't think you knew that before now, but the reality of your situation has become agonizingly obvious. You feel panicked, trapped, crushed; living out the rest of your life like this, sweeps and sweeps  _alone_ in crippling claustrophobia should be enough to choke you up with fear. The fact that you can't even  _do_ that because you  _can't control your body_ only serves to make it worse.

Then you mentally slap yourself. Fucking _hell,_ Captor,  _calm the fuck down_.

You need to stay calm. Think logically, try to act like the coding master you usually are. But something's wrong, you can't think right. Your thoughts run like something with dodgy wiring, jumbling up and getting lost, instinct the only thing sure to get through. It's maddening. You _need_ to search for a secure network again, or some other way to hack the ship’s mainframe so that you can maybe find out just a little bit more of what the fuck they did to you.

Your mind’s connection to the ship is strange, sort of like another presence at the edge of your subconscious. A bit like the voices were when you’d managed to tune them out into nothing. Actually, you haven’t been hearing any voices at all... Maybe there's one decent thing about this – no screaming in your ear from some poor deceased fucker. How the shit they did it isn't something you want to considered, because as far as you know doing something like that would take a serious cocktail lake of drugs, but it'll help you concentrate.

You slip as far as you can go into the ship’s mainframe – Jesus this is weird – and do the mental equivalent of running a hand around the inside of it. The part you can access is a little like a bubble, sitting on the outside of another bubble, which is your actual mind. Except the ship bubble seems to have a lot of little bubbles leading off of it which you can’t get into. When you try, ACCESS DENIED flashes through your mind, accompanied by a sharp burst of pain through you skull. You don’t try very often.

There are also... cracks in the bubble, you guess? Ok, maybe it isn’t so much of a bubble. Maybe it’s more of a cave network or something? You don’t really care. The point is that there are cracks, and you can sometimes do the mental equivalent of squeezing through one. It was through one of those that you managed to connect to the network at all. Smugly, you remind yourself to thank whatever retarded asshole designed this program if it's really this easy to fuck around in.

To get any further though, a lot of hacking will be involved. The sort of hacking that no normal troll could ever hope to pull off.

Luckily, you are not a normal troll.

Feeling even more smug, you scan every inch of the bubble or cave or whatever for every scrap of information you can find. Most of it is useless, details about your new prison which are mostly crap like the number of sheets of paper left in the printers. Nothing even mildly important, nothing like the crew list of the ship’s name or where the fuck you’re going to be heading to once you get off-planet.

Nothing that an enemy could use against the Empire.

Nothing that can help you. Did they... predict this? Do new Helmsmen usually contact outsiders? The information isn't anywhere you can find, but you feel distinctly uneasy at the idea. What if they know about your conversation with Karkat? What if they could trace it back to him, find his hive,  _cull him_ because of it?

You push down the fear and focus on your mission. What's done is fucking _done_ , you can regret it later, and you'd rather fuck up more crap than get cold feet and stop.

There are some things here which _could_ be useful. You don’t know who built this system, but it is _laughably_ hackable. You don’t prod too much – you don’t want to jinx it when you’ve only just regained consciousness. But, in a little pocket of cyberspace, you create a file. A small file. A _very_ small file in which you store every piece of information you think could ever _possibly_ be helpful.

You feel as if you might have actually accomplished something. One point to you!

...You really aren’t thinking straight. You don’t know if you’re drugged or whether they actually _altered your brain_ in some way, but your thoughts are addled and the remaining part of your body feel partially numbed. You couldn’t move even if you wanted to, _which you do not_ because you don’t need another reminder about just how much of you is missing.

And how even if you do get out of here you’ll probably never walk again.

Or hold anything.

Or _see_.

Staying calm isn’t easy. You feel trapped in your own mutilated body and you desperately wish you could talk to Karkat again. He was like an anchor, or a guide or something - he kept you grounded, helped you resist the black hole of despair which is still ceaselessly tugging at your mind.

_KK..._

You’re too scared and confused to understand your feelings right now but you _need_ him, need him like you need _air_ to _breathe_ ...Or used to need air. Being a Helmsman is weird like that. You must have countless biowires in you... in your veins... in your organs...

What if he can’t get you out?? What if it’s actually physically impossible?? What if you’re literally stuck here for the rest of your life because removing you would kill you?? What if—

You move through the pocket of ship like a headless cluckbeast, terrified of your own thoughts, desperately trying to hack into the network again. But you make mistakes, you can’t get in, and ACCESS DENIED stabs at your skull over and over again.

But as it stabs, thing seem to get clearer. It’s waking you up, bit by bit. The pain is physical enough to jolt your body back to its senses. And so you hurl your mind at the forbidden sections as hard and as fast as you can, until every remaining nerve in your body is tingling and you can finally, _finally_ think like the tech-genius you are.

Feeling every inch of flesh that is left isn’t exactly pleasant – there’s a hot throbbing in your wrists and knees and eye sockets, while the rest of your body feels icy cold and much too exposed. You have probably been given something to decrease the pain, which means that things will probably start to hurt like hell pretty damn soon. But it also means that you can’t have been in the Helmsblock very long if your limbs haven’t healed in yet, which means you aren't fully grafted in yet, and that there is a chance, however slim, of getting out of it alive.

You're still scared, but the knowledge of that sliver of hope is enough to stop you flipping out again.

You try moving. It turns out to be even less pleasant than just hanging there, because you can _feel_ the needle-thin biowires in your skin and in your muscles and snaking into your internal organs and it makes you want to wretch. But none of it is actually _hurting_ yet so you can work with it. What you'll do when it does start hurting is something you'll face when the time comes.

You do know a bit about biomechanics and Helmsmen and the way that starships work. When, as a wiggler, it had looked as if your fate was to become one, you'd done some research in an attempt to decide whether it really was as awful as the rumours went. But that was sweeps ago, when you were so much younger, and the only information you can remember is from propaganda-ridden Empire-run websites trying to convince you that to become a living battery is an honour and that serving the Empire is a very good thing to be spending your otherwise-empty time doing, you lowblooded scum.

They sweetened pretty much everything, made it sound as if losing limbs was necessary because you wouldn’t _need_ them to live anymore – as if you were going to spend the rest of your life being waited on (metaphorical) hand-and-foot. You don’t remember anything about eyes though... although it’s quickly becoming clear to you that huge sections of memory are still missing, despite the fact that you feel fully aware. For example, you literally do not remember _anything_ between going to 'coon God-knows how many night ago, to waking up here.

For all you know, you've been here for perigees. Did they want you to forget that, or do they just not care about the state of their batteries' brains so long as the psionic part is untouched?

You can’t get any information about your surroundings apart form the fact that it is cold, and that the space you are in is probably quite large. It feels large, but there isn't a breeze or anything to really tell by. The only information you have to go by are the vague sketches of waht you know about Helmsblocks – they’re normally circular, with control panels and shit around the inside, a tangled mess of biowires spilling down from the ceiling and sprouting from the floor, all leading to the unfortunate Helmsman who dangles limply from them like a puppet on its strings.

The sources also heavily implied that the Helmsman was never disconnected, either. But you try to forget about that for the sake of following Karkat’s orders and not prancing off the handle. You fight the urge to move, focusing on taking your weight off your mutilated wrists instead, because you are consciousness enough to do damage to your body if you thrash or struggle or anything and you don't need any complication. This is bad enough as it is.

So you hang in there.

And you wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pleas alert me to any mistakes -- I can easily fic them!


	3. > Karkat: Contact Terezi posthaste!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting a hang of the formatting bullshit! Hopefully chapters will be out fairly regularly now. I think I'll aim for one every two days.

>Karkat: Contact Terezi posthaste!

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

CG: TEREZI  
CG: FUCK  
CG: ARE YOU ROLEPLAYING??  
CG: IF YOU ARE THEN FOR FUCK'S SAKE STOP!  
CG: TEREZI WHATEVER PLUSH TOY YOU'RE MUTILATING CAN STAND TO WAIT A FEW BULGECHOKING MINUTES.  
CG: THIS IS REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT TEREZI!  
CG: AND YES, IT IS LIFE-OR-DEATH!  
GC: C4LM YOUR SH4M3 GLOB3S  
GC: 1TS B33N L1K3  
GC: H4LF 4 M1NUT3 S1NC3 YOU B3G4N TROLL1NG M3!  
CG: FUCK YOU  
CG: EVERY FUCKING SECOND YOU W4ST3 IS ANOTHER SECOND HE'S TRAPPED THERE!  
GC: WHOS TR4PP3D WH3R3?  
GC: YOU H4V3NT TOLD M3 4NYTH1NG  
GC: DONT 3XP3CT M3 TO KNOW 4UTOM4T1C4LLY  
CG: SOLLUX  
CG: FUCK, SOLLUX IS IN DEEPER SHIT THAN I THINK YOUR MISERABLE THINKPAN CAN EVEN COMPREHEND, TEREZI!  
GC: WH4TS H4PP3N3D?  
GC: JUST FOR YOUR 1NFORM4T1ON, 1 4M NOW W34R1NG MY S3R1OUS F4C3  
CG: SOLLUX MANAGED TO MESSAGE ME  
CG: SOMEHOW I DON'T KNOW HOW HE MANAGED IT  
CG: BUT  
GC: W3 DONT H4V3 4LL D4Y K4RK4T  
GC: SP1T 1T OUT!  
CG: LOOK IT'S UPSETTING OK?!  
CG: BASICALLY SOLLUX HAS BEEN TAKEN  
CG: BY THE EMPIRE  
GC: OH GOD  
CG: AND IS NOW HANGING FROM BIOWIRES IN SOME SHIP SOMEWHERE AND I  
CG: I  
CG: BASICALLY I'M FAILING AT NOT FREAKING OUT.

CG: TEREZI??  
GC: 1F TH1S 1S A JOK3  
GC: TH3N 1 W1LL K1LL YOU P3RSON4LLY  
CG: ****IT IS NOT A FUCKING JOKE TEREZI*****  
CG: HE MESSAGED ME  
CG: HE WAS FUCKING PANICKING BUT  
CG: I MANAGED TO CALM HIM DOWN A BIT  
CG: ENOUGH FOR HIM TO TELL ME SHIT WITHOUT USING CAPS.  
CG: TEREZI  
CG: THEY TOOK AWAY HIS *EYES*  
GC: OK  
GC: YOUR3 NOT JOK1NG  
GC: 1M 4SSUM1NG YOU CONT4CT3D M3 TO M4K3 US3 OF MY TRULY 4M4Z1NG 1NV3ST4G4T1V3 SK1LLS?  
CG: WELL  
CG: KINDA  
GC: >:?  
CG: HE MANAGED TO HACK SOMETHING AND GET THE SHIP'S COORDINATES  
CG: SO IT'S MORE A CASE OF BUSTING HIM OUT BUT YEAH YOU'LL BE VERY USEFUL  
CG: FOR PLANNING AND STUFF BECAUSE I CAN SENSE ALL THE ISSUES YOU'RE ABOUT TO BRING UP ABOUT BUSTING HIM OUT FROM OVER THE INTERNET.  
GC: D4RN! MY PL4N TO B3 TH3 R34ON4BL3 ON3 H4S F41L3D!  
GC: BUT Y3S 1 W1LL B3 DO1NG MOST OF THE ORG4N1S1NG TH4NK YOU  
GC: H4V3 YOU SPOK3N TO 4NYON3 3LS3 4BOUT TH1S?  
CG: NO  
CG: YOU'RE THE FIRST  
GC: R1GHT  
GC: L3MM3 TH1NK FOR 4 S3COND

CG: TEREZI?

CG: TEREZI IT'S BEEN MORE THAN A SECOND!  
GC: OK OK!  
GC: J3SUS K4RK4T TH1S 1S 4 D3L1C4T3 OP3R4T1ON!  
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU SHOULD TRY VR1SK4 N3XT  
CG: OH GOD NO  
GC: OH GOD Y3S K4RK4T  
GC: SH3S 4 SP4C3 P1R4T3 WHO DO3SNT G1V3 4 SH1T 4BOUT TH3 3MP1R3 3XCEPT 4S F4R 4S PLUND3R1NG 1T 1S CONC3RN3D  
GC: 1F 4NYON3 1S W1LL1NG TO T4K3 STUP1D R1SKS TO H3LP 1TS H3R!  
CG: UGH FINE  
CG: FOR SOLLUX  
GC: TH4TS TH3 SP1R1T  
GC: 4ND 1F YOU FA1L HORR3NDOUSLY 1 W1LL H4V3 4 GO  
GC: NOW G3T GO1NG 1 GOTT4 TH1NK 4BOUT TH1S SOM3 MOR3  
CG: RIGHT  
GC: OH 4ND G1MM3 THOS3 COORD1NAT3S  
CG: (4585,98633)  
GC: OK GOOD!  
GC: 1LL S33 1F 1 C4N TR4CK TH3S3  
GC: 4NYTH1NG MOR3 TO 4DD?  
CG: NO  
CG: I'LL GO HAVE A CRACK AT VRISKA NOW  
CG: SHIT AIN'T GONNA BE PRETTY  
GC: GOOD LUCK  
GC: 4ND 1F YOU T4LK TO SOLLUX 4G41N

GC: T3LL H1M W3R3 WORK1NG ON 1T  
CG: OK

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

You sit back, rubbing your forehead. One troll down. At least she was cooperative. But you're dreading Vriska.

Before her space-pirate thing began, though, the two of you actually talked quite a lot. She had finally accepted that your vast and intricate knowledge of romance is superior to any that she could even hope to posses, and bugged you about it at least twice a day, although she never actually got around to tell you whom her flushed romance woes were _about_.

More recently, however, much every 'conversation' with her has consisted of you cramming in as much as you can before she notices and ends the conversation with nothing but a few lines, none of which have anything to do with what you were actually ~~ranting~~ talking about.

So basically this will involve a careful and delicate stratagem.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

CG: OK, THE SOLID TROLL WASTE HAS MET THE ROTATING BLADED COOLING DEVICE IN REGARDS TO THE BIGGEST FUCKERY WE HAVE EVER WITNESSED ON THIS PLANET, SO LISTEN THE FUCK UP.  


You wait, chewing on the nails of your left hand while your right ones tap against the worn surface of your desk. Agonizing seconds crawl past. When she does respond, it comes as both a relief and another form of frustration. 

AG: ::::?  
CG: BASICALLY SOLLUX HAS BEEN CAPTURED BY THE EMPIRE, BEEN BRUTALLY VIVISECTED, AND STUCK IN A HELMSBLOCK ON SOME SHIP SOMEWHERE.  
AG: Ok  
AG: You have my attention.  
CG: GOOD  
CG: BECAUSE AS MUCH AS I HATE TO ADMIT IT  
CG: WE NEED YOUR HELP TO GET HIM OUT.  
AG: W8, you're serious a8out this????????  
CG: OF COURSE I AM!!!!  
AG: I thought you were just getting my attention holy shit.  
CG: WELL NEWSFLASH:  
CG: I WASN'T, SPIDERBITCH!  
AG: Ok8y Ok8y!  
AG: What do you need help with?  
CG: WELL TEREZI'S DOING THE MAIN PLANNING SHIT  
CG: AND WE NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET  
CG: AND SINCE YOU'RE AN EVIL SPACE PIRATE  
CG: SORRY 'PIR8'  
CG: YOU CAN PROBABLY HELP!  
AG: Whoa.  
AG: Karkat, while I am flattered that you think so much of my skills, I'm not even off-planet yet!  
AG: The ship 8n't ready and won't 8e for a while  
AG: And 8elieve it or not, I am not quite dum8 enough to go gra8 a random starship and follow Sollux into sp8ce.  
CG: WELL THAT'S OK  
CG: BECAUSE WE DON'T THINK HE'S IN SPACE YET!  
AG: Oh!!!!!!!!  
AG: Why didn't you say so?  
AG: This m8kes things soooooooo much easier!  
AG: O8viously, I can swoop in and save his scrawny neard 8oy ass... For a small charge, may8be :::;)  
AG: Do you know where he is?  
CG: WE GOT SOME COORDINATES  
AG: Gimme.  
CG: HAHA, NO WAY IN HELL  
CG: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GO RUNNING OFF AND BUSTING HIM OUT FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR OWN FUCKED-UP IDEA OF GLORY.  
AG: Awwwwwwww! So mean, Karkat.  
CG: FOR ONE THING THAT'S MY JOB SINCE I'M THE GROUP IDIOT  
AG: Haha! Got that right!  
CG: FOR ANOTHER THING  
CG: THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE SLOWLY AND SNEAKILY BECAUSE HE'S ALREADY BEEN WIRED INTO THE DAMNED BLOCK.  
AG: Oh shit.  
CG: YES  
CG: WE CAN'T JUST PULL HIM OUT BECAUSE THAT WOULD PROBABLY KILL HIM.  
CG: WE NEED TO GET IN, SECURE THE AREA, GET HIM OUT AS SAFELY AS POSSIBLE, AND THEN RUN LIKE HELL.  
AG: Ok.  
AG: Thinking a8out it.  
AG: It won't be easy to pull off, but I 8n't letting a challenge like this pass! Especially with Pyrope involved.  
AG: I think we can do it.  
AG: Depends which st8tion he's at though  
AG: Security and shit  
AG: Distance and accessibility and all that hoofbeastshit too.  
CG: SINCE WHEN DID YOU BECOME THE KNOW-IT-ALL?  
AG: Uh, since I realized that I needed to know a8out this shit if I wanted to 8e an evil space-pir8??????

CG: WHOA  
CG: I THINK YOU'VE ACTUALLY GROWN UP A BIT SERKET  
CG: NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD LIVE TO SEE THIS DAY COME.  
AG: lol.  
CG: ANYWAY  
CG: TEREZI IS IN ON IT TOO SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WORK WITH HER.  
AG: Goddammit.  
CG: WELL WE'RE DRAGGING AS MANY PEOPLE INTO THIS AS POSSIBLE SO SUCK IT UP. IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL.  
AG: Didn't think it was.  
AG: I just really don't wanna work alongside my pitch partner ::::/  
CG: DEAL WITH IT.  
CG: THIS ISN'T EVEN ABOUT FEELINGS!

AG: Oh reeeeeeeeally, Karkat?  
CG: OH NO WE ARE NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION  
CG: ROMANCE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. HE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA LET HIM SUFFER.  
AG: Suuuuuuuure, 8ecause you'd totally say that unless you were attempting to deny something ::::)  
AG: Anyway, I'm gonna talk to Tavros now.  
CG: OH GOD  
CG: IS THERE ANY USE IN ASKING YOU NOT TO BULLY HIM TO LITERAL DEATH?  
AG: Nope ::::D  
AG: 8ut I 8n't planning on it.  
AG: We need all the help we can get, remem8er?  
AG: Even his puny everything must 8e good for something. Even if it is just a meat sheild. 

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ended conversation with carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

CG: WAIT!  
CG: SWEET TROLL JEGUS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic would've been so much shorter if I'd been able to resist the urge to pull every character I could into the story too...
> 
> As usual, please alert me to any mistakes I've made! There are probably a couple in there somewhere, and I can easily fic them =)
> 
> ALSO: I may not be updating this Saturday, because there is a thing on which i will be going to and I'm not sure when I'll get back home. It starts pretty early in the morning and hopefully won't take all day, but we'll see.


	4. > Sollux: Wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was busy and then I got ill, and I am actually still ill but thankfully it doesn't take too much energy to edit and upload chapters. Anyway, I apologize for any mistakes, which there could well be.

> Sollux: Wake.

You had sort of drifted off -- not fallen asleep exactly, it was more like... going on standby, you guess? It's hard to explain, even to yourself, because for the whole time you had still been able to feel that little corner of the ship's computer that you're connected to, still sense the data flowing by, smoother than water or... any tangible substance, really.

But not fast. Never actually _fast_. And it had been incredibly soothing, enough to lull you into a state of relaxed calm. The first really pleasant thing you've felt for God-knows how long.

But now you can... hear something, you think. Something that isn't from the ship's mainframe, something that's near your _body_.

There are people in the Helmsblock. You can distantly hear them moving, hear the muffled tones of their voices, and you wrench your mind back into your body. The sounds instantly become sharper as you focus on them... as do the physical sensations.

You had been right -- your wrists and legs and eye sockets are hurting like _hell,_ and now your feeling them, you can't seem to stop. Your body aches with a steady throb that feels like fire is pouring through your veins and you _long_ for the ship's mainframe, just wanting to burrow your way in, get lost in cyberspace, and never have to feel these things again. But you are so overtaken by these physical sensations that it is impossible.

Your mouth and throat are bone dry, but you peel lips apart and let out an involuntary sob of pain. The voices briefly stop.

Without your sight, everything has taken on a very surreal quality that only serves to make things even more terrifying. You can't see, and your remaining senses are smothered by pain. But you can hear approaching footsteps and can just make out a female voice, _right in front of you_.

'You're right, it's woken up far too soon,' they say, matter-of-factly. You whimper and a cold hand, encased in a Perspex glove, touches your right cheek for a moment before moving up to trace the edge of something cold that presses over where you eyes once were.

Pain explodes all over your skin, inside your bones, and you jerk away as cold plastic fingers press against the metal visor that you think they might've spot-welded into your skin, running round the edges and testing it for any gaps.

'Flush a paralytic through,' the woman says irritably. 'This is a delicate operation and if it's twitching at something like this then the nerve-endings must still be mostly active.'

Something cold seeps into your veins, through the many biowires, and now you can't move at all. It's a terrible feeling -- you're not relaxed. Instead, every muscle has locked in place and the only thing you can do now is take quick, sharp breaths that burn your throat and wait for her to do whatever she came here for.

You are terrified. You want _Karkat_ where's _Karkat_ why isn't her here to hold you and talk to you and tell you that everything will be alright, that he's coming to rescue you, that you won't have to suffer this every again, and that he'll do something horrific to these people and give you front-row seats to their suffering...

Something is happening at the back of your head, something involving sharp bursts of pain and needle-thin wires and _you can't move, you can't get away, it hurts so fucking much and--_

And then there's nothing but pain.

> Vriska: Troll Tavros.

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT] \--

AG: Taaaaaaaa  
AG: aaaaaaaa  
AG: aaaaaaaa  
AG: aaaaaaaa  
AG: aaaaaaaa  
AG: aaaaaaaa  
AG: aaaaaaaa  
AG: aaaaaaaav  
AG: roooooooo  
AG: oooooooo  
AG: oooooooo  
AG: oooooooo  
AG: oooooooo  
AG: oooooooo  
AG: oooooooo  
AG: oooooooos!!!!!!!!  
AT: tHAT IS A VERY LARGE NUMBER OF AS AND OS  
AT: wAS, tHAT REALLY, uH, nECESSARY, vRISKA?  
AG: Of coooooooourse it was, Puuuuuuuupa!  
AT: uH, i SEE, yOU'RE REALLY, uM, iNTO YOUR QUIRK, tODAY,  
AG: Ye-ep! ::::D  
AT: hAS SOMETHING, gOOD, hAPPENED THEN?  
AG: Well.  
AG: Um.  
AG: Not really.  
AG: Actually, something pretty 8ad has happened.  
AT: oH,,  
AG: 8uuuuuuuut, it does give me the opportunity to 8e totally 8adass and incredi8le!  
AG: Things have 8een so 8ooooooooring l8tely. I can't w8!!!!!!!!  
AG: And I am here to recruit you, 8ecause that is what is happening. Everyone should 8e doing it or they are stupid and dum8.  
AT: oH, uM, rIGHT,  
AT: wHAT BAD THING, eXACTLY, hAS HAPPENED?  
AG: 8asically, Sollux has gotten himself captured 8y the Empire and turned into a Helmsman.  
AT: oH NO!  
AT: tHAT, rEALLY IS VERY BAD NEWS!  
AG: Yeah I guess.  
AG: 8ut we are going to get him out! Pyrope is making a plan, which will pro8a8ly 8e dum8 and terri8le 8ut it's a start, and Karkat is flipping his shit but I think he's organizing this? And you, Pupa, can finally 8e put to some use and help us!  
AT: uH, oK,,,  
AT: aND WHAT WILL, tHIS INVOLVE, iF YOU DON'T MIND ME, aSKING?  
AG: Oh, I dunno yet.  
AG: Pro8a8ly scouting the area or something using your totally 8adass psychic powers!  
AT: tHANKS, i THINK?  
AT: i WOULDN'T SAY, tHAT, tHEY ARE THAT BADASS  
AT: nOT LIKE, yOURS ARE, aNYWAY }:)  
AG: Aw, thank you Pupa!!!!!!!!  
AG: I guess mine are faaaaaaaar more 8adass than yours.  
AT: uH,,,,  
AG: 8ut may8e you can ride me in on a magnificent hoof8east!  
AT: oh, yEAH!  
AT: aND THEN AFTERWARDS, wE CAN RIDE OFF INTO THE SUNSET, oN THE VALIENT STEED!  
AG: Swoooooooon!!!!!!!!  
AT: };)  
AG: Ok, flirting over for now.  
AG: I'll keep you upd8ted on everything that's going on.  
AT: rIGHT,

AG: Tavros?  
AT: yEAH?  
AG: Why does growing up have to 8e such a 8itch?  
AT: uM,  
AT: i DON'T THINK, iT'S REALLY THAT BAD,  
AT: iT JUST DEPENDS ON, hOW YOU LOOK AT THINGS!  
AG: Tavros, you are weird 8ut also str8ngely adora8le.  
AG: 8ye for now!  
AT: bYE!  
AT: <3  
AG: <3

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT] \--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ship Tavros and Vriska with many different people, but I also I like them red together ok?????
> 
> Also, it should be known that, since this is a non-game AU, the revenge cycle was never sparked because Doc Scratch was never there to distract Aradia and Terezi at the vital moment. Therefore, while Vriska did TRY to make Tavros jump off the cliff, she didn't manage it and, since there were no long-lasting 'reminders' of the incident... things turned out ok. More than ok. You get the idea.
> 
> I would elaborate more, but it's not particularly relevant to the story, some stuff is said later on and I don't want to risk spoilers, and I might write more for this fic-verse anyway.


	5. > Nepeta: Answer troll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YET MORE CHARACTERS.
> 
> WHAT WAS I DOING.

> Nepeta: Answer troll

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] \--

GC: *GC SW1FTLY 4PPRO4CH3S TH3 M1GHTY HUNTR3SS3S C4V3*  
AC: :33 < *AC sniffs the br33ze and apurroaches the mouth of her cave*  
GC: *TH3 M1GHTY DR4GON L4NDS B3FOR3 TH3 C4V3 4ND L3ANS H3R M1GHTY H34D DOWN TO P33R 1NTO TH3 D4RKN3SS*  
AC: :33 < *hello! the huntress says purrleased at the arrival of her furrend*  
GC: GR33T1NGS! *TH3 DR4GON R3PL13S, 4LSO GL4D TO S33 H3R FR13ND*  
AC: :33 < *AC pawnders what GC came here for*  
GC: *GC 4NSW3RS TH3 UNSPOK3N QU3ST1ON:*  
GC: 1 4M H3R3 TO 4KS FOR YOUR 4SS1ST4NC3 W1TH 4 VERY 1MPORT4NT QU3ST! *TH3 M1GHTY DR4GON S4YS*  
AC: :33 < REALLY??  
AC: :33 < I mean  
AC: :33 < *REALLY?? the mighty huntress asks in amazement*  
GC: Y3S!  
GC: OUR GOOD FR13ND SOLLUX 1S 1N TRROUBL3 4ND W3 N33D 3V3RYON3 H3R3 H3LP1NG!  
GC: (3ND OF RP BY TH3 W4Y)  
AC: :33 < oh ok  
AC: :33 < what happened to him?  
GC: HES B33N C4PTUR3D BY TH3 3MP1R3, BUT DONT WORRY, B3C4US3 WER3 GO1NG TO G3T H1M OUT  
AC: :OO < oh no!  
GC: M3 4ND K4RK4T 4R3 GO1NG 4ROUND G4TH3R1NG UP OUR L1TTL3 GROUP 4ND 1 4M 1N TH3 PROC3SS OF FORM1NG 4N 4W3SOM3 PL4N  
GC: W3LL W3R3 G4TH3R1NG UP 4S M4NY 4S W3 C4N  
GC: 3R1D4N 4ND F3F3R1 S33M TO H4V3 V4N1SH3D OFF TH3 F4C3 OF TH3 PL4N3T 4LR34DY 4LTHOUGH TH3Y 4R3 PROB4BLY ST1LL H3R3?  
GC: GOD KNOWS WH3R3 YOU 4ND SW34TY 4R3 OR WHY ONLY H4LF OF US C4N R34CH YOU  
GC: AND 1 TH1NK 3V3RYON3 3XC3PT K4RK4T D3L3T3D G4MZ33 FROM TH31R CONT4CTS AFT3R TH3  
GC: UM  
AC: :33 < the incident  
GC: Y34H TH4T  
AC: :33 < well i really hope i can lend a paw!  
AC: :33 < but i have to ask you know who first  
GC: OH GOD  
AC: :33 < oh im pawsitive he will say yes!  
GC: 1M NOT  
AC: :33 < yeah neither am i actually ://  
AC: :33 < but  this isnt like flarp sollux is a furrend who needs help  
AC: :33 < i am determined not to give up until he says yes!   
GC: GOOD LUCK  
AC: :33 < thank you! ill do it now if thats ok and get it over with  
GC: Y34H SUR3  
AC: :33 < *with a twitch of her tail, AC bounds off to find her moirail*

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ended conversation with gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

> Karkat: Talk to your moirail.

What do you mean 'talk'?

Talking is going to be the opposite of what happens, idiot!

You are going to scream at your moirail for as long as it bloody well takes for the point to get across and then probably yell some more.

This is what having an insane Juggalo clown in your pale quadrant involves.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] \--

TC: honk.   
CG: OH GOD.  
TC: HONK.  
CG: PLEASE, NO.  
TC: honk HONK honk HONK :o)  
CG: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS TERMINAL AND CAPRICIOUS, STOP WITH THAT TAR-MINDED IMPRESSION OF A HIVE WORTH'S OF WIGGLER'S GRUESOME DEATHS THIS INSTANT AND LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY BEFORE I SUBJUGGLATE YOUR MISERABLE ASS.  
TC: aw :o(  
CG: THE FUCK DO YOU DO THAT ANYWAY??  
TC: gotta do what’s all up and good in the heart, karbro.  
TC: THE HEART IS ALWAYS RIGHT.  
TC: honk HONK!  
CG: UGH  
CG: THIS IS ME GAGGING OVER MY KEYBOARD FROM THE RAGING TORRENT OF ABSURDITIES YOU SPEW.  
CG: I HAD HOPED THAT BEING SOBER WOULD MAKE YOU SOMETHING LESS OF AN IDIOT.  
CG: EVIDENTLY I WAS WRONG.  
TC: something up on your pan?  
TC: PALEST OF BROTHERS?  
TC: you seem kinda agitated.  
CG: UNDERSTATEMENT  
CG: OF THE GODDAMN  
CG: *MILLENNIA*.  
TC: what is up, oh brother of mine?  
TC: is it your secret?  
TC: DOES SOME MOTHERFUCKER NEED SOME POUNDING ON HIS THINKPAN?  
CG: NO, MY SECRET HAS REMAINED A SECRET.  
CG: JESUS, GAMZEE, IT WILL ALWAYS BE A SECRET.  
CG: AND IF IT EVER ISN’T, I WON’T BE CAGEY ABOUT TELLING YOU.  
CG: THE MESSAGE WILL BEGIN WITH SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF ‘OH GOD GAMZEE HELP ME SOMEBODY KNOWS ABOUT MY MUTATED FUCKING BLOOD COME BASH THEIR SKULL IN QUICKLY’.  
CG: NOT ME COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR FUCKING HONKS.  
TC: then all is good, my brother.  
TC: but i gotta protect you.  
TC: AND THOSE RIGHTEAOUS BRIGHT RED MIRACLES IN YOUR VEINS.  
TC: and make sure nobody.  
TC: EVER.  
TC: lays even a MOTHERFUCKIN FINGER ON YOU.  
TC: and makes even a drop.  
TC: OF THOSE MOTHERFUCKIN MIRACLES.  
TC: spill.  
CG: YES, GAMZEE, I GET IT.  
CG: AND I’M GRATEFUL, OK? I JUST DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME.  
TC: :o)  
TC: give a motherfucker a diamond?  
CG: SIGH  
CG: OKAY.  
CG: <>  
TC: :oD  
TC: <>  
CG: PLEASE DON'T USE THAT FORSAKEN MESS OF AN EMOTICON EVER AGAIN IN MY PRESENCE.  
TC: what’s all up and bothering you.  
TC: IF IT AIN’T YOUR BLOOD?  
CG: OK  
CG: YOU KNOW SOLLUX?  
TC: sure i do  
TC: RED AND BLUE GLOWY MOTHERFUCKER, RIGHT?  
CG: YEAH BASICALLY.  
TC: what’s all up and up with him, brother?  
TC: HE BREAKING YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN HEART?  
CG: NO, GOD, GAMZEE  
CG: *NOT EVERYTHING I BITCH ABOUT IS ABOUT MY OWN GODDMAMN FEELINGS AND PROBLEMS!*  
CG: WELL OK IT IS USUALLY.  
CG: BUT NOT THIS TIME.  
TC: then what’s he gone and done to make you so upset, palebro?  
CG: IT’S NOT HIS FAULT.  
CG: BASICALLY HE’S BEEN CAPTURED BY THE FUCKING EMPIRE AND STUCK IN A STARSHIP.  
CG: HE MESSAGED ME AND HE WAS FREAKING OUT AND  
CG: WE GOTTA GET HIM OUT, GAMZEE.  
CG: I CAN’T JUST FUCKING LEAVE HIM THERE.  
TC: Do:  
TC: that ain’t good, bro.  
TC: AIN’T EASY TAKING THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS BACK.  
TC: but you can do it.  
TC: I BELIEVE!  
CG: OK GOOD BECAUSE I DON’T.  
CG: IF HE COULD MESSAGE ME THEN HE’S PROBABLY ALREADY CONNECTED TO PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW IF GETTING HIM OUT IS EVEN PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE.  
TC: believe, my brother.  
TC: SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN MIRACLES.  
TC: there’s gotta be a way.  
CG: I’D SURE LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT RIGHT NOW.  
CG: FUCK.  
TC: karbro.  
TC: NO ORDINARY MOTHERFUCKER COULD DO IT.  
TC: but i don’t got no recalling of you being an ordinary motherfucker.  
TC: IF ANYONE CAN DO IT, IT’S YOU.  
TC: you just gotta try :o)  
CG: I  
CG: THANK YOU GAMZEE.  
TC: <>  
CG: <>  
CG: SO WILL YOU HELP?  
TC: didn’t think it was a thing i needed to all up and say.  
TC: COURSE I WILL, MY MOIRAIL.  
CG: THANKS.  
CG: I’LL TELL YOU THE PLANS AND SHIT.  
CG: WHEN THEY HAPPEN.  
CG: I’M TRYING TO GET EVERYONE HELPING.  
TC: revolution’s gotta start somewhere, huh?  
GC: OH GOD   
CG: NOT THIS AGAIN.  
TC: IT’S WRITTEN IN THE STARS, MY BROTHER.  
TC: can’t be all up and denying it when it’s all up and in front of my gaze spheres now can i?  
TC: HONK.  
TC: motherfucking.  
TC: HONK.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK EVER.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] \--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never feel that I get Nepeta right, although what I do seems to conform well enough to everyone's mental interpretation of her character that I haven't had any complaints about it... but if anyone has any tips then please tell me!
> 
> Also, I know that Sober!Gamzee in this fic is acting differently to Gamzee in canon. There is a reason for this, but it's kinda long and I'm lazy and also still ill. If enough people request it (or I get one really well-worded review asking about it), then I will make an effort to explain. I am sort of planning a 'chapter' in which I just fill a few holes that this short fic couldn't cover. Maybe do a Q&A thing too.
> 
> (I'm not 100% sure that the 'ended conversation' thing is canonical because I'm sure I've seen it around but I don't know where?? Anyway I like it.)


	6. > Sollux: Open your eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Crawls from the depths of hell to deliver chapter*
> 
> Does this fic even have much of a following? Oh well, about 14 chapters more for it to get one.
> 
> Behold while I try to use technical terms for something that doesn't even exist!

> Sollux: Open your eyes.

_Whoa._

You can see _everything_.

A thousand eyes feed back to your brain, giving perfect 3D images as you flick your attention from one to the other. You can see corridors, sleeping quarters... the food preparation block... _everything_.

There’s nobody on the ship, of course. But you can see every swirling speck of dust, every scratch in the walls and floors.

And... it’s all yours.

This whole ship _is you_ , like your body once was; sure, you can’t feel it like you could feel things touching your skin... but you can sense the vastness of the hull and the width of the deck and you are big and strong and _powerful,_ you have never felt such _power_ within your grasp.

Then... very faintly, _incredibly_ distantly... you feel something.

Your flesh body is but a speck in this hulking mass of metal, but it is still there and you can still feel it. And you can feel the hand on your cheek and the breath near your mouth and you focus again, pull yourself back into the screaming agony of torn muscles and broken skin and remember why you hate it here and why you are getting out as soon as is fucking possible.

‘You like that, don’t you?’ the woman is crooning. You can’t see with your eyes because your eyes are dead, ripped from your skull and tossed away like garbage. But you can focus cameras in the Helmsblock to give you a perfect 360 degree angle of her head and you wish with all your heart and soul that you could ram something sharp through it and literally tear the smile from her face.

At the same time.

It’s really weird, being in your blind body but seeing the room with perfect vision from every perspective except your own. It’s a strange sort of out-of-body feeling. Or it would be if you didn’t hurt so fucking much, if there was a chance you could ever forget that you  _don't_  have a body that's screaming in pain. Another troll is bent over one of the control panels, you note, but you don’t pay him much attention. While you’re at it, you take a look at the rest of the Helmsblock. It’s pretty much what you’d been expecting – round, pretty small, loads of panels and shit around the edges, metal floor, and your body (no way is that you. It can’t be. Really?) hanging in the middle, tangled up in black fleshy tentacle-like things.

Biowires.

You think you read somewhere, or saw in a picture, that the Condescension’s ship's are fuchsia - the very same colour as her blood. You are glad as _fuck_ that the ones around you, the ones _inside_ you, are not. You have nothing against Feferi but you have everything against the Condesce and to have anything related to _her_ next to your organs would make you physically sick with revulsion. Even if the slick black coils are nauseating in their own right - like dead and rotting meat, all slimy with decay, and you shudder.

‘You are now fully connected to the ship,’ the woman smiles, and you focus on her again. White lab coat, pristine apart from a few dark splotches of yellow. They're still wet. You try not to look at them too hard. You know what they are and you know what she’s been doing and thinking about it makes you feel sick. Puking all over yourself isn't exactly fucking desirable right now, or ever... although you're not even sure you still  _can_. How much control over your body do they have?

‘How do you feel?’ the woman asks, cutting you away from your thoughts. There's some sort of hunger in her gaze that makes you wary to reply, but mostly you just want the conversation over. It takes you a long time to remember how to move your mouth, and even longer to get enough breath to speak. You realize that you haven’t been breathing nearly as deeply as you're supposed to – they must be pumping dissolved oxygen into your blood and taking out the carbon dioxide for you. That... doesn't help much with the hope of getting out alive.

‘It’s hurtth,’ you rasp eventually. Your throat is raw. You think you were screaming when she started on the back of your head but the memory is hazed over by pain, and honestly, you don’t want to know.

‘The pain will abate in time,’ the woman says crisply, taking a clipboard from her sylladex. You’re guessing she must be a technician of some sort. Someone who works around Helmsmen a lot, at least. ‘Records indicate that you have been mentally active for quite some time,’ she continues, looking at the printed words and raising her eyebrows slightly. ‘Mentally active... But you have only recently achieved full aware—’

‘How long have I been here?’ You have no desire to listen to her ramble on for another second longer. She gives a tight smile to the clipboard and continues as if she was never interrupted. Which is stupid, because why the hell would she be telling you this if she didn't want you to speak? Can't they just shove it directly into your pan?

‘—full awareness. You have no doubt been exploring the small pocket of the ship’s computer in the 72.53 hours you have been mentally active and attempting to explore your physical surroundings once the numbing toxins wore off.

‘Now that I have connected your brain—’ A thrill of horror courses through you.

‘ _My **brain??**_ ’ The biomechanic (you assume that that is what she is) purses her lips tightly and turns to back a command at the troll by the control panels.

‘Shut it up, Dagfin, it keeps on interrupting me.’ You open your mouth to protest, to tell that you will interrupt her as much as you fucking like, but suddenly your throat seems to _constrict,_ not letting any air through _at all_ , and you gag on the words you’d been meaning to say. No sound comes out.

_What the fuck have they **done** to you?!?!?!_

You feel trapped in your own body, unable to move and unable to see through anything except the cameras in the ship _which is not your body_ , can never _be_ your body why the fuck did you _like_ the idea that it was you hate you _hate_ it _you hate it!!!_

‘He’s getting agitated...’ The one called Dagfin mutters, looking at a screen that must be dedicated to tracking your vitals or something. You can barely hear him over the pounding in your own chest. 'Diastolic and systolic pressure rising rapidly, Aniken...'

‘Then calm it down!’ the woman snaps. ‘It’s still very volatile at this stage and we can’t risk losing a psionic this strong! Just do your job!’ Almost instantly, you feel your heart slow and your muscles relax; physically you’re calm but now you feel even more trapped in a body that you can no longer control, a body isn’t even _yours_ , now.

Your eye sockets burn behind the metal band and you think you must be crying. You want Karkat again. Really, _really_ want him, to see his grey text and have him tell you that everything will be alright, and that he’s coming to get you, and that you won’t have to suffer for much longer. That there is _definitely_ a way of getting you out alive, no matter how much of you becomes tangled with biowires or where they stick the damn things.

The woman is still talking, but you aren’t listening. You feel dizzy, like you should be hyperventilating but you _can’t_. Your body is at odds with your mind and you hurt in a way that you didn’t think was _possible_.

You go away for a while, you think. Not into the computer but into the depths of your own mind, where everything is dark and quiet and separated completely from the horrors of the waking world.

By the time you come back, the Helmsblock is blissfully empty. But you're still scared, only kept back from panicking by the chemicals in your veins, and the first thing you do is hurl yourself around the original pocket of mainframe until you remember how you first made that connection, how you first spoke to Karkat.

You need him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I have made even the SMALLEST typo then please tell me, you have no idea how much really small spelling errors annoy me when I'm reading something.


	7. > Sollux: Connect again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried three times to get this right goddammit. I messed up each one.
> 
> Fourth time lucky?

> Sollux: Connect again.

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NO NETWORK FOUND--

\--TRY AGAIN? -- Y/N--

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NO NETWORK FOUND--

\--TRY AGAIN? -- Y/N--

> Sollux: Keep trying.

You _have been_ trying. You have been trying and trying and trying for what could be hundreds and hundreds of sweeps. You don’t know. You could be fully aware of time, and perhaps you _should_ be, because the ship’s computer records every second that goes by more accurately than any clock you've own or any computer you've programmed.

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NO NETWORK FOUND--

\--TRY AGAIN? -- Y/N--

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK—

But you are not. Whether it’s a glitch in the system or something you’re doing deliberately, or just an effect of all the drugs they’ve pumped you full of, you don’t know. You don’t _want_ to know. You just want to talk to Karkat. You _need_ to talk to Karkat.

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NETWORK FOUND--

\--CONNECT TO NETWORK? -- Y/N--

\--YOU ARE NOW ONLINE--

By the time you get in ( _finally, finally_ ) you feel small and afraid and near dizzy with relief. It puts you at least a little at ease to see the not-quite-familiar page of what you're guessing must be a programme not too dissimilar to Trollian. You have no idea what insane glitch or mistake allows you to do this, but for once you don't even fucking  _care_ about the coding involved. Instead you resign yourself to waiting.

TA: _KK?_  
TA: _KK are you there?_  
TA: _i managed two get on again_  
TA: _plea2e be there KK_

TA: _ill wait for you then_  
TA: _i can wait_  
TA: _i gue22 there2 not much else for me two be doing_  
TA: _2o i gue22 ill ju2t ramble on to my2elf_  
TA: _it2 not like there2 anything better for me to be doing_  
TA: _except maybe pilot a 2hip_  
TA: _but i dont think i really am going to do that i think im ju2t gonna be more of a battery_

TA: _but i have 2omething important to tell you 2o plea2e hurry_  
TA: _i dont know how long i can hold the connection for_  
TA: _and im 2cared KK_  
CG: I’M HERE.  
CG: IT’S OK SOLLUX, I’M HERE.   
TA: _oh thank god_  
CG: FUCK I’M SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG.  
TA: _it2 ok_  
CG: NO, FUCK YOU, IT ISN’T.  
CG: IT’S THE COMPLETE FUCKING OPPOSITE OF OK.  
CG: ALSO YOUR QUIRK CHANGED AGAIN. WHAT.  
TA: _well it2 not like i have two eye2 anymore i2 it?_  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: I'M SORRY.  
TA: _it2 ok_  
CG: WE’RE WORKING ON GETTING YOU OUT BUT IT’S TAKING SUCH A FUCKING LONG TIME.  
CG: I THINK TEREZI’S TRACKED THE COORDINATES BUT SHE ISN’T TELLING ANYONE BECAUSE SHE THINKS SOMEONE’LL GO RUNNING OFF TO SAVE YOU AND GET HIMSELF KILLED.  
CG: THEMSELF  
CG: WHATEVER.  
TA: _eheheh_  
CG: THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT DOUCHEBAG.  
TA: _2orry KK but you making a fool of your2elf will never not be funny_  
CG: WELL FUCK  
CG: IF IT MAKES YOU LAUGH THEN IT’S FINE I GUESS.  
CG: OK SO BASICALLY I’VE GOT A FEW MORE PEOPLE HELPING NOW.  
CG: VRISKA HAS SUDDENLY BECOME AN EXPERT AT STARSHIP TECHNOLOGY SO WE’RE TAKING EVERYTHING SHE SAYS WITH A PINCH OF WHITE SAVOURY FOOD DUST BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, SHE HAS FUCKING PATHOLOGICAL LIAR TENDENCIES  
CG: THE MAIN PROBLEM IS THAT WE CAN ONLY ACCESS CIVILIAN SITES AT THE MOMENT SO WE DON’T HAVE MUCH IDEA OF WHAT’S HAPPENING TO YOU OR WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN THAT ISN’T BURIED BENEATH ABOUT FIVE SUGARY LAYERS OF SHIT.  
TA: _yeah that2 what i found when i looked it up_  
TA: _2houldnt be two hard to hack though_  
CG: NOT FOR YOU IT FUCKING SHOULDN’T.  
CG: NOT ALL OF US ARE FREAKING TECH NERDS.  
CG: AND OF COURSE NONE OF THE SITES TALK ABOUT LETTING HELMSMEN OUT, JUST 'DECOMMISSIONING' CRAP WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY FOR AFTER THEY'VE KICKED THE SHIT.  
CG: SOLLUX?  
TA: _yeah?_  
CG: I SWEAR I WON’T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU.  
TA: _i_  
TA: _thank you KK_  
CG: NO FUCKING PROBLEM.  
CG: AT THE MOMENT, WE’RE MOSTLY JUST TRYING TO GATHER FORCES. WORD IS GOING ROUND OUR GROUP AND WHILE I CAN’T PROMISE ALL OF THEM’LL HELP, HOPEFULLY WE’LL HAVE MORE THAN THREE.  
CG: THE CURRENT PLAN IS TO INFILTRATE WHEREVER YOU ARE, *QUIETLY* GET YOU OUT, AND THEN RUN LIKE HELL BEFORE THEY NOTICE WE’RE THERE.  
CG: THAT PROBABLY WON’T HAPPEN AND I THINK WE ALL KNOW IT.  
CG: SO BASICALLY IT COULD BE A LITTLE WHILE UNTIL ANYTHING ACTUALLY *HAPPENS*.

CG: SOLLUX ARE YOU EVEN STILL THERE??  
TA: _yeah 2orry KK_  
TA: _i ju2t didnt have much to 2ay_  
TA: _it2 kinda relaxing ju2t watching you type_  
CG: UH...  
TA: _ok 2hutting up now_  
CG: NO IT’S FINE  
CG: DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER.  
TA: _thank2_  
TA: _but im actually feeling ok right now_  
TA: _it2 2orta_  
TA: _peaceful_  
CG: NO STOP.  
CG: SOLLUX YOU’RE SCARING ME.  
TA: _2orry_  
CG: NO  
CG: NO, SOLLUX, YOU’RE NOT MEANT TO SAY SORRY.  
CG: YOU’RE MEANT TO PISS ME OFF WITH SOME SNIDE REMARK.

TA: _2orry?_  
CG: LOOK, I JUST  
CG: UGH  
CG: NEVER MIND.  
CG: WE’RE WORKING ON IT.  
CG: APPARENTLY, SO LONG AS THEY HAVEN’T CONNECTED YOUR PAN TO THE REST OF THE SHIP YET YOU SHOULD BE OK, AND THEY MOTHERFUCKING SHOULDN’T’VE DONE THAT YET BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T BEEN THERE LONG ENOUGH.

TA: _KK?_

CG: THEY’VE CONNECTED YOUR PAN HAVEN’T THEY.

TA: _yeah_

CG: SOLLUX I AM SO FUCKING SORRY.  
CG: THIS ISN’T THE END THOUGH OK?  
CG: WE’RE STILL GONNA GET YOU OUT.  
CG: WE’LL MANAGE IT.  
CG: I PROMISE.

CG: SOLLUX PLEASE SAY SOMETHING.  
TA: _im actually ok_  
TA: _im not 2ure if it2 becau2e theyve drugged me or not_  
TA: _but im not 2cared anymore_  
TA: _and i dont think i mind being a 2hip right now_  
CG: SOLLUX  
TA: _i cant really describe it_  
TA: _but it2 like i have a thousand eye2_  
CG: SOLLUX PLEASE  
TA: _there are 2o many camera2 and i cant 2ee with my body anyway_  
TA: _and i feel 2tronger now_  
TA: _cau2e i wa2 alway2 phy2ically weak before_  
CG: SULLUX STOP TYPING A MONOLOGUE AND FUCKING READ WHAT I’M SAYING  
TA: _you cant have fucking forgotten that you u2ed two tea2e the 2hit out of me for it_  
CG: YOU’RE SCARING ME  
CG: THE SHIP ISN’T PART OF YOU AND IT *WILL NEVER BE* PART OF YOU!  
TA: _look KK i took a picture_

\-- transferring file [the2ecamera2areprettycool.jpg](http://www.aaadelhi.org/files/tuttle8p_ajay.jpg) \--

CG: SOLLUX  
CG: I  
CG: I PROMISE I’LL GET YOU OUT  
CG: I PROMISE  
CG: I PROMISE  
CG: FUCK

> Karkat: Despair

You don’t scream this time. You just cry. Cry like a fucking wiggler and you don’t give a shit, because with each fucking second it feels as if Sollux is slipping away, like water through your fingers and you can't do shit about it.

It hurts.

It hurts so fucking much and he’s too far away for you to _do_ anything. It isn't one of his swings, god no, but you've had enough experience with those for this to freak you out. It's too goddamn similar and _worse_. At least before, you could travel to his hivestem to help. Or get someone else to do it, to stop him from sliding into a blackhole of self-hate or at _least_ bully him out of it. But now you can't do anything except talk to him like this. You want to be able to touch him, to _shake_ some sense into him, but your fingers close on nothing but air as you clench your fists and sob into your folded arms.

It’s been way too long by the time you look back at the screen.

TA: _KK?_  
TA: _KK are you 2till there?_

\-- CONNECTION FLUCTUATING --

TA: _KK the connection i2 going!_  
CG: FUCK  
CG: FUCK IT ALL TO HELL.  
CG: DON’T GIVE UP OK?  
CG: I WILL GET YOU OUT.  
CG: IT’LL JUST BE A BIT HARDER NOW.  
TA: _i believe you_  
TA: _and of course i wont give up_  
TA: _you could yell the Empire into submi22ion if you wanted_  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: I LIKE TO THINK THAT.

\-- CONNECTION LOST --

He’s gone.

Again.


	8. > Nepeta: Strive to make your point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is also known as 'proof of my habit to pull unnecessary characters into stories, especially ones I am not 100% sure how to write'.
> 
> There will be further proof a little later.
> 
> But for now, enjoy! Also, merry Christmas!

> Nepeta: Strive to make your point.

AC: XOO < WHY NOT??  
CT: D --> It w001d be a highly dangerous operation  
CT: D --> I do not wish you to get hurt  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> We are pushing it as it is  
CT: D --> I implore you not to come out of hiding for this  
AC: X(( < i cant beli33333333ve you!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AC: :33 < they are our furrends equius!  
AC: :33 < it is our DUTY to help!  
CT: D --> Abso100tely not  
CT: D --> I refuse to allow it  
CT: D --> Please a%cept that I am only trying to preserve your safety  
CT: D --> After what previously transpired  
CT: D --> I refuse to allow you to put yourself in any more danger  
AC: :(( < but equius  
AC: :(( < its sollux  
AC: :33 < i gotta do something!  
AC: :33 < i dont have to get directly involved  
AC: :33 < please just let me help him

CT: D --> I will consider it  
CT: D --> Just don’t do anything without my e%press permission  
AC: :33 < i purromise!

You love your moirail. You really, really do. Without him... you probably wouldn't still be here. Without you, neither would he. The diamond you share is one of the most precious, beautiful, wonderful things in your life and you would do anything to keep it that way.

Just maybe not this. 

For as you uncross your fingers, determined scowl set on your face, you decide that some things are, in fact, far more important than the bond of moirallegiance. 

Especially when the moirail involved can be such a stupid, selfish, over-controlling douchebag.

> Terezi: Console your friend.

CG: THIS IS FUCKING IT, TETESI  
CG: IT[‘S FUCKIGN OVER  
CG: WHY THE FUCK DID I EVEN BOTHER?  
CG: IT’S HOPESAS NOW]  
GC: K4RK4T SHUT UP 4ND L3T M3 TH1NK  
GC: 4ND PULL YOUR3LF TOG3TH3R WH1L3 YOUR3 4T 1T  
GC: 1 DO NOT 4PPR3C14T3 MY N4M3 B31NG M1SSP3LL3D S1MPLY B3C4US3 YOUR3 TOO MUCH OF 4 W1GGL3R TO W1P3 YOUR 3Y3S WH3N YOU CRY  
CG: FUCK YOU  
CG: WHO SAID I[M CRING  
GC: K4RK4T YOU 4LW4YS CRY WH3N TH1NGS G3T B4D  
GC: GO T4LK TO G4MZ33 1F YOUR3 TH1S WOUND UP J33Z  
CG: HOW CAN YOU STILL BE SO CALM?!  
GC: FOR YOUR 1NFORM4T1ON 1 4M NOT C4LM!  
GC: SOLLUX 1S MY FR13ND TOO  
GC: 4ND W4S B3FOR3 H3 W4S 3V3R YOURS!  
GC: BUT 1 4M B31NG GROWN UP 4ND NOT FL1PP1NG MY SH1T OV3R 1T  
GC: 1F YOUR3 STRUGGL1NG SO MUCH TH3N T4LK TO G4MZ33  
GC: TH4T 1S SORT OF WH4T 4 MO1R41L 1S FOR!  
CG: FUCK  
CG: OK.  
GC: 1LL G3T B4CK TO YOU WH3N 1 H4V3 4 PL4N  
GC: PL34S3 DONT DO 4NYTH1NG DUMB

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGenecist [CG] \--

You are freaking out a lot more than you let on.

This is bad. This is very, very, _very_ bad. If what Karkat was saying was correct (and you have no reason to doubt that it was not), then Sollux could quite possibly be well and truly fucked beyond even your group’s ability to salvage things.

A Helmsman surviving Decommission is unheard of, but that’s usually because it happens after their brains have spurted out of their ears from over-use and they’ve died. The only information regarding a Helmsman being taken from their ‘Block while still alive was found on very dodgy sites that had had your anti-virus software freaking out every five minutes.

And the few official sites you had been able to find very strongly implied that, once the brain was connected, getting a Helmsman out alive was impossible.

It might be kinder just to find Sollux and cull him. Actually, it probably is. There had been a lot of talk about ‘removing unnecessary appendages’, even on the Empire-run sites, and you’d managed to find a few leaked documents that had confirmed that what it really meant was the amputation of limbs.

So, even if you rescued him, Sollux would be crippled for the rest of his life. And if he isn’t damaged mentally already, removing the biowires could permanently fuck up his higher brain functions, his nervous system… even his organs.

And that’s only if the process itself didn’t kill him.

Sollux could end up spending the rest of his (possibly considerably shortened) life as little more than a vegetable in the shape of a troll – alive but unmoving, unresponsive and unthinking.

You didn’t tell Karkat because you will cling to the hope that this _won’t_ happen until reality detaches you from it with a crowbar, but you have to accept the very real possibility that it will be like that.

You push your keyboard away and rest your head on your desk for a moment, trying to relax your shoulders and letting out a long, deep sigh. You hadn’t expected it to be easy, God no... but you hadn’t expected it to be quite this _hard,_ either. You are Terezi Pyrope, young yes, but strong and intelligent and you know how to get shit done.

But not shit like this, you are quickly learning.

Plus, what you are planning to do is as far from legal as you can get and it rubs completely the wrong way against your Legislacerator morals.

But you sit up again, quickly, and push those thoughts to the back of your mind. It doesn’t matter how hard things get: Sollux is your friend, and you would do anything for him. You don’t have _time_ to be resting – for as Karkat said, every second passed is another second that Sollux is trapped in there.

And despite whatever the consequences of your actions may be in the long-run, you _refuse_ to allow him to be put to use as a living troll-battery. Nobody deserves that, not even the most brutal of criminals.  
So even if the end result is death, you can at least rest peacefully in the knowledge that you have rescued him from a fate far, far worse than it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason i keep on putting Nepeta into things is because I would like someone to point out my flaws in writing her and have them give me some pointers on how to do her better.
> 
> Anyone have any pointers on how to do her better?
> 
> I know this isn't a lot to go on, but please: if I'm getting her as wrong as I think I am, then tell me!


	9. > Time: Pass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made it to over 1000 hits! Yay!

> Time: Pass

You are Sollux Captor.

It has been a long time.

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NO NETWORK FOUND--

\--TRY AGAIN? -- **Y** /N—

You know that it's hopeless now. That conclusion was reached a while ago now, perfectly analysed with every you have available, the facts and theories all drawn and quartered in graphs and digits. The longer you hang here, the smaller the percentage chance of rescue becomes and you've been here for a pretty long time, now.

Information flashes constantly before your eyes. You can pick it up, analyze it, and set it down in less than a second if you wish.

But you don't. Why should you? You can think of no reason for doing such a thing, no drive to make further use of your abilities, and no given instruction has ever told you to.

There is nothing left to fight for.

The wires in your body bind you in place, sitting in your veins, in your bones, keeping life flowing through you as quickly as the data. Ceaseless. Merciless. The part of your no quite yet bound by apathy is screaming for it to stop, but that part's cries are getting fainter, and were always easy to ignore.

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NO NETWORK FOUND--

\--TRY AGAIN? -- **Y** /N—

The ship's calendar says you have been here for almost a perigee. Almost a perigee, and not a word from Karkat for over four weeks. The connection has simply... disappeared. Did you mess up, or is it something they've done? Did they find out about your outside communication?

Does it really matter if they did? They haven't done anything to you, and logically you know that they would, even if that kind of information has been hidden from you.

You are beginning to forget what Karkat looks like.

You think you should care a little more than you do... but the agony of his absence is dwindling... You no longer ache so much for contact... and it is nicer not to feel pain.

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NO NETWORK FOUND--

\--TRY AGAIN? -- **Y** /N--

The physical pain lessens over time too, to a point where you can barely feel it at all. The biowires still throb with your heartbeat, a rhythmic stinging sensation, and you doubt that it'll ever completely fade, but... you don’t really mind. It help you to focus, sometimes, like when you need to find the date. It stops you from being completely swept away in the constant flow of information that streams on and on and on behind your non-existent eyes, and for some reason that's important.

Even though you know it means that your body has stopped trying to fight the foreign objects, that the biowires are sealing into your skin, becoming stained with your blood pigment as they pulse life into you and drag out death.

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NO NETWORK FOUND--

\--TRY AGAIN? -- **Y** /N--

They send propaganda past, too, although it takes you a while to fully realize it. You admire their efforts in a way, even though they're unnecessary at this point. It is very subtle, a flow within the flow which is very slightly different from everything else. The other information changes, mostly, coming back slightly different every time, but this is a constant loop of words.

_...We live to serve Her, for it is an honour to serve. In our past lives, we were a burden, but in our new ones, we may reach the stars. With worthy sacrifice, we raise ourselves beyond the skies, for Her, our one true Custodian from hatching until death. This is our victory, even in our defeat. We live to serve Her, for it is an honour to serve...’_

You find yourself thinking along with it, the constant flowing of the soothing words. They give you purpose, give you strength. Your old life is but a distant dream, the faintest of faint memories. You have nothing, except you have everything – a strong body, a thousand eyes. Something else to live for, though it doesn't matter now.

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NO NETWORK FOUND--

\--TRY AGAIN? -- **Y** /N--

You can’t remember why you still have this action running. It isn’t doing any good. If anything, it is adding the tiniest lag to the other programs, and that means inefficiency, which means it should be stopped.

...

It has been over a perigee since you got here.

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NO NETWORK FOUND—

What’s the point?

\--TRY AGAIN? -- Y/ **N** \--

You were once Sollux Captor.

You aren’t anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this chapter was rather heavily inspired by 'One Of Our Submarines'... which I highly recommend! It's an excellent fic.
> 
> Happy New Year I guess :P
> 
> (Also, as usual, correct any mistakes, blah blah blah =D)


	10. > Karkat: Contact Terezi again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More unnecessary characters now heheh. Without them this fic would be so much shorter...
> 
> But fuck was this chapter fun to write!

CG: IT’S BEEN TWO FUCKING PERIGEES TEREZI.  
GC: HOLY SH1T K4RK4T 1 KNOW TH4T!  
CG: THEN  
CG: WHY THE EVER SCREWING *FUCK*  
CG: IS HE STILL IN A SHIP?  
GC: MAYB3 B3C4US3 TH1S OP3R4T1ON 1SNT 34SY 4ND N3V3R FUCK1NG W4S?? D1D YOU R34LLY 3XP3CT 1T TO B3 OV3R 4ND DON3 1N 4 W33K OR TWO?!  
GC: W3 H4V3 TW3LV3 TROLLS 4T MOST WORK1NG ON TH1S 4ND TH4T 1S 1NCLUD1NG OURS3LV3S.  
GC: ***TW3LV3 TROLLS!!!***  
GC: 4ND TH4TS ONLY 1F 3RID4N Y4NKS H1S H34D OUT OF H1S 4SS LONG 3NOUGH TO L3T F3F3R1 PULL SOM3 STR1NGS  
CG: HE WON’T  
GC: 1 KNOW!!  
GC: 1M JUST 4S FRUSTR4T3D 4BOUT 4LL TH1S 4S YOU 4R3!  
GC: BUT FR34K1NG OUT WONT H3LP 4NYTH1NG!  
CG: FUCK YOU, TEREZI  
CG: JUST FUCK YOU.

GC: TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG 3LS3 1SNT TH3R3

CG: YEAH

GC: C4R3 TO T3LL M3?  
GC: T4K3 YOUR T1M3

CG: OK.

CG: BASICALLY IT’S BEEN OVER A MONTH SINCE HIS LAST MESSAGE AND  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN THE LAST ONE.  
CG: I’M SCARED, OK?  
CG: WHAT IF HE’S GIVEN UP?  
CG: WHAT IF HE’S JUST  
CG: BECOME A SHIP  
CG: AND WE’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET HIM OUT?

GC: W3 WONT KNOW UNL3SS W3 TRY

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

CG: WHAT  
CG: TEREZI WAIT  
CG: FUCK, TEREZI, YOU KNOW SOMETHING DON’T YOU  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK, TEREZI???

======>

CA: absolutely not fef  
CA: i forbid it  
CA: as your moirail  
CC: O)(, DON’T YOU ----EV---ER STOP GLUBBING???  
CC: MAYB-E I DON’T CAR-----E W)(AT YOU SAY!  
CC: MAYB--E I’M JUST GIVING YOU A WARNING B---ECAUS-E T)(AT IS W)(AT MORAY –E-ELS AR-E M--EANT TO DO!  
CA: wwhat  
CA: fef please at least hear me out  
CC: O)(, SO *NOW* YOU’V-E D—ECID-ED TO BE CIVIL??  
CA: please fef you dont understand  
CC: I undersand P-----ERF--ECTLY W)(ALE!  
CC: You’re SH-----ELLOUS of Solloach  
CC: You WANT )(im to DI--E!  
CA: no!  
CA: fuckin shell fef no!  
CA: you got the wrong end a the oar  
CA: i dont wwant that at all!  
CC: T)(en what DO you want??  
CA: i wwant you knot to risk your life on somefin so dumb!  
CC: 3>8O  
CC: How cod you SAY t)(at?!  
CC: Solloach is YOUR frond too!  
CA: i knoww!  
CA: fuckin shell fef  
CA: i knoww  
CA: dont think im not sand aboat it too  
CA: but doin somefin like that is too dangerous  
CA: youre the heiress!  
CC: T)(AT DO---ESN’T CHANG---E ANYFIN!  
CA: please listen to me fef  
CA: hes a lowblood  
CA: a psionic too  
CA: this ship happens all the tide to his caste ok  
CA: hes knot worth risking your life for

CA: fef?

CA: fuck

CC: I cannot believe you just said that  
CA: uh  
CC: That is fucking UNFORGIVABL---E  
CA: wwhat  
CA: fef water you sayin  
CC: STOP USING T)(-E FUCKING FIS)( PUNS!!!!!  
CC: Maybe Sollux is low on the spectrum  
CC: MAYB-E THIS DO--ES HAPP-EN ALL THE TIM-E!  
CC: but )(e is my friend and I love )(im! I'd do anything to save )(im  
CC: AND NO  STUCK UP  BULDG-ELICKING PRICK OF A S--EA TROLL WILL STOP M-E!  
CA: fef  
CC: You’ve crossed the line –Eridan  
CC: I just  
CC: I can’t  
CA: im sorry fef  
CC: O)( sure  
CC: NOW you are.  
CC: T)(is is it, -Eridan  
CC: We are T)(ROUGH.  
CA: the fuck do you mean fef  
CC: I M--EAN T)(IS!  
CC: </>  
CC: It’s over.  
CC: Do not contact me ever again.

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

CA: oh my god  
CA: fef im so sorry  
CA: please come back

CA: fef please  
CA: fef  
CA: fef i lovve you  
CA: fef just givve me a fuckin chance!

CA: fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH_
> 
>  
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I love Eridan, but I also enjoy making him suffer and I also consider most kinds of EriFef sorta impractical.
> 
> (The general idea for this story is that similar things to canon events happen in it, but a little differently in a few/many cases.)
> 
> (And pale EriFef was never going to work for long I mean COME ON.)
> 
> Please point out mistakes, blah blah blah, maybe review, have a nice day!


	11. > Be the ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had trouble with the formatting on this one. Please tell me if anything still looks weird.

> Be the ship.

MQQMPROPS qmprops;QMPROPID aQMPropId[NUMBEROFPROPERTIES];MQPROPVARIANT aQMPropVar[NUMBEROFPROPERTIES];HRESULT aQMStatus[NUMBEROFPROPERTIES]; _we live to serve Her, for it is an honour to serve_ // Call MQGetMachineProperties to retrieve the // GUID of the computer where the queue is registered.hr = MQGetMachineProperties(NULL,NULL,&qmprops); _in our past lives, we were a burden, but in our new ones, we may reach the stars._ if (FAILED(hr)) { fprintf(stderr, "An error occurred in MQGetMachineProperties (error: 0x%x).\n",hr); return hr; _with worthy sacrifice, we raise ourselves beyond the skies, for Her, our one true Custodian from hatching until death_ // szQueueNumber into the szFormatNameBuffer buffer.   // szFormatNameBuffer = "PRIVATE=" + pszUuid + "\" + pszUuid +   // szQueueNumber 

_ this is our victory, even in our defeat _ Set q = qinfo.Open(Access:=MQ_RECEIVE_ACCESS, _

ShareMode:=MQ_DENY_NONE)

‘Wakey wakey, kiddo!’ The overly-cheerful voice disrupts the flow of information in your brain with sensory data from your actual _ears_ , as well as the microphones around the rest of your body. It wrenches you back into that tiny cage of flesh and blood and steals your mind away from all but the most basic of the ship’s signals. You focus one of your cameras on the troll standing in front of your body. Thin shoulder-length hair; horns that curve up in a way that conforms to society's view of attractiveness but end weirdly; white lab coat. You recognize him from a memory you didn’t bother to save in any of your official banks, from something floating hazily around your thinkpan of flesh. You didn’t bother recording his name, either: unnecessary information only serves to clutter up the database and make things slower. Slow = inefficient. Inefficient = bad.

So you have no idea what it is, and do not care to know.

‘Vitals, yes, good...’ He talks aloud to himself, happiness in his voice grating against your arterial auditory nodes. For some long-forgotten reason, his joviality is _wrong_ and you _despise_ it.

He finishes his prodding and poking and weighing and measuring, and presses the button on the little wireless-communication-device clipped to his coat. When he next speaks, he is far more serious.

‘Done the check, everything’s fine... Yes, it matches the damn checklist... I _am_ sure, thanks...’ He’s in a black relationship with one of his superiors. It’s mildly amusing, you guess. He ends the transmission with a sigh, before striding over to what you now know is your own personal control panel, the one that decides everything to do with _you_. From your core body temperature to the rate of your heart, every cell in on your flesh body is monitored and controlled from those few switches. Only one lever has never been pulled. It is also one of the bits of information still kept from you. It is also the one he takes hold of now. ‘Bite a bullet, kid,’ he mutters, before pulling it down and—

 _01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010 01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010_ _01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010_ _01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 0101001001000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010 01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010_ _01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010_ _01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 0101001001000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010 01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010_ _01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010_ _01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010 01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010 01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010_ _01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010_ _01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010 01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010 01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010_ _01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010_ _01000101 01010010 01010010 01001111 01010010_

The pain is impossible to comprehend. Somewhere, you think you might be screaming, but you mind has been stunned by the onslaught of a thousand burning needles digging into your skull and _sucking_ the life from you in a never-ceasing flow of pure _agony_.

The very small part of your brain not affected realizes that they must be using your psionics. The sensation of your powers being forcibly _taken from you and used_ is indescribable. The closest thing you can liken it to is a thousand barbed hooks being attached to every nerve ending in your head and _pulling_. But it is a violation of _nature_ more than anything because your powers are meant to bend to  _your_ will, not another troll's and  _certainly_ not a machine's, and for some reason this increases the pain tenfold, one hundredfold, one  _thousandfold..._

You don’t know how long it lasts, other than that it is _too fucking long_ , but suddenly the agony is gone, as suddenly as it came, and you are left, shaking, in the aftermath. Your lungs are devoid of air, but you don’t need to breathe. So you can’t tell how long it took. Could have been seconds, could have been hours.

‘I’m sorry, kid,’ the biotechnician says, quietly. You’re still too addled to access your cameras but you hear the door slide closed. Still reeling in shock, you carefully pull yourself back into that little cavern of the ship’s computer. It has become a sort of comfort area, where you feel most at home. It was the first place you accessed, and still the easiest to get to.

You are scared and confused and so terribly alone, but you think there’s something you can try.

\--SEARCHING FOR SECURE NETWORK--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--SEARCHING--

\--NO NETWORK FOUND--

\--TRY AGAIN? -- **Y** /N--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sorta think I should've let Sollux strew in his mindless-ship-state a little longer, but whatever. Got a story to tell here, yo.
> 
> Also, wondering if the whole chapter should be in small black because SYMBOLISM, but that would make the actual computer bits harder to distinguish from the rest. Thoughts?
> 
> I really like all this computer shit it makes me feel clever even though I haven't got a clue what any of it means I'm sorry. Also, the binary SHOULD make sense, check it out, tell me if it doesn't work =)
> 
> (Also, I check out mistakes people report literally as soon as I get the message, so don't think it's a wasted effort to tell me stuff!)
> 
> EDIT: WHOA WTF I described Dagfin completely wrong the first time WHOOPS fixed it now.


	12. > i did not make this memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I should be revising but I'm editing and uploading this instead~
> 
> (Title deliberately in that font-thing btw.)

> i did not make this memory

TA: _hello_  
TA: _is anyone there_  
TA: _please_  
TA: _i don’t want to be alone_  
CG: SOLLUX?  
CG: THANK GOD.  
CG: WAIT WHY AREN’T YOU QUIRKING?  
TA: _error_  
TA: _appellation not recognized_  
TA: _who are you_  
TA: _?_

CG: OH, FUCK  
TA: _?_

CG: SOLLUX I’M SO SORRY  
CG: SO FUCKING SORRY  
TA: _error_  
TA: _appellation not recognized_  
CG: YEAH  
CG: I WAS RIGHT  
CG: OH GOD  
CG: I’M SORRY SOLLUX  
TA: _error_  
TA: _appellation not recognized_  
CG: I’M TALKING TO A FUCKING STARSHIP  
CG: WHAT SHOULD I SAY? “BASE REQUESTS INFORMATION ON YOUR CURRENT SITUATION” OR SOME SHIT? YEAH LIKE THAT WOULD WORK.  
TA: _e rror_  
TA: _command not recognized_  
CG: WELL FUCK IT. WORTH A FUCKING TRY.  
CG: STATUS REPORT. STAT.  
TA: _status: planet-bound_  
CG: OH, HELL.  
TA: _current coordinates: (64657370,616972)_  
TA: _scheduled to leave planet in approximately 48 hours_  
TA: _scans detect no malfunctions_

TA: _i_

TA: _it hurts_  
CG: WHAT HURTS?  
CG: STAY CALM  
CG: AND TELL ME.  
TA: _they did not tell me it would hurt_  
TA: _i wa_  
TA: _error_  
CG: TELL ME. TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.  
CG: USE WHATEVER TECHNICAL TERMS YOU HAVE TO. I'M NOT STUPID.  
TA: _trial energy transfer from Helmsman [Sollux Captor] to ship [Timeless Avenger] successful_  
TA: _scan sd etect no mmalfunc4b4btiions_  
CG: WELL, WHOEVER NAMED THE FUCKING SHIP DESERVES A GOOD KICK IN THE BULDGE  
CG: BUT WHAT DOES THAT *MEAN*?  
TA: _534241i484a_

TA: _classified_

CG: OK  
CG: OK, FINE, I CAN DEAL WITH THIS  
TA: _k4bkk_  
CG: YES?? WHAT??

TA: _c01100011classified_  
TA: _ii dont_  
TA: _iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii696969696969696969  
TA: _iic00100000 01100011aant  
CG: OK, OK, DON’T HURT YOURSELF!  
TA: _i i i ii i i i i i ii i iiii _  
TA: _much calmer now_  
CG: DO YOU REMEMBER ME??  
CG: AT ALL? EVEN A LITTLE BIT?  
TA: _i think_  
TA: _i knew you_  
CG: OK, GOOD

TA: _i69it huurr75727473rts_  
CG: OK  
CG: OK, SHOOSH  
TA: _aa61aaa01100001a61_  
CG: SHOOSH, SOLLUX, SHOOSH! IT'LL BE OK, JUST CALM DOWN.  
TA: _er 6572ror_  
TA: _appellation no6e6f74t recogni011110100110010101100100zed_  
TA: _what is happen69iiing_  
CG: IT’S GLITCHING AND ENCODING IT INTO HEX AND BINARY, MORON. SO WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, STOP IT! I CAN'T MENTALLY TRANSLATE IT THAT FAST.  
CG: OH, BINARY, IT FIGURES!  
CG: HEX NOT SO MUCH BUT WHATEVER  
TA: _y01111001o01101111u01110101_  
TA: _p70r72o6fm6di69s73e65d64_  
CG: AND I NEVER SAID I FUCKING UNPROMISED DID I???  
CG: DON’T THINK THIS ISN’T HELL FOR ME TOO!  
CG: AT LEAST ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS HANG THERE AND WAIT  
CG: I HAVE TO ORGANIZE PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING!  
CG: IT WOULD BE HARD ENOUGH EVEN IF I WASN’T SURROUNDED BY A LOAD OF MENTALLY DYSFUNCTIONAL MORONS, BUT GUESS WHAT, I AM!

CG: SOLLUX?  
TA: _sorry_  
TA: _i guess_  
TA: _i li69 kee watchinnng you tyyp e_  
TA: _help me_  
CG: HELPING YOU IS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF THIS MESS YOU BRAIN-HEMORRHAGE INDUCING, PAN-DEAD, SOPOR-SOAKED LUNATIC!

TA: _that was kinda harsh kk_  
CG: I  
CG: GODDAMMIT  
CG: I’M SORRY.  
CG: IT’S JUST THAT I’M UNDER A LOT OF STRESS OK  
CG: AND FUCKING HELL I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST TRIED TO JUSTIFY THAT.  
CG: SOLLUX?  
TA: _error_  
TA: _ appellaNO fuck that_  
CG: DO YOU REMEMBER ME  
TA: _i did not make thi2 memory_  
CG: WHAT DO YOU *MEAN*?????????  
TA: _error in my databa2e_  
TA: _u nrrrrrrrreco gni22___________ ed_  
TA: _yyyenosii i69y eon_  
CG: OK STOP! I GET IT!  
TA: _so r 46 4b55ry43 55 _  
CG: IT’S OK  
CG: WELL I GUESS IT ISN’T BUT  
CG: IF YOU CAN’T HELP IT THEN DON’T TRY TO.  
TA: _i still re61d it_  
TA: _iij usst_  
TA: _69t h 01110101rts kk_  
CG: IF IT HURTS, DON’T DO IT.  
CG: SIMPLE FUCKING LOGIC.  
TA: _sometimes it’s got to hurt kk_  
CG: WHO SAYS?  
TA: _everyone_  
TA: _the 01101001ship_  
TA: _the 4655434bempire_  
CG: NO NO NO NO NO DON’T YOU GO SPEWING THAT BULLSHIT HERE! DON’T YOU DARE! DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE! IF YOU DO I’LL THROW A FIT SO VIOLENT THE CONDESCE HERSELF WILL STOP CONQUERING A RACE TO WATCH IN AWE AND WONDER.  
CG: AND DON’T DARE LISTEN.  
CG: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!  
CG: I’M COMING FOR YOU, SOLLUX.  
CG: TOMORROW I’LL BE THERE.  
CG: MAYBE EVEN TONIGHT.  
CG: AND  
CG: SOLLUX?  
TA: _ 01101100shit2 hitic antica01101111_  
TA: _yeah?_  
CG: THERE’S SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL YOU.  
TA: _what?_  
CG: I THINK

CG: NO  
CG: I JUST  
CG: I CAN’T. I CAN’T DO IT.  
TA: _it’ 01110110 s ok kk01100101_  
CG: NO IT ISN’T.  
CG: I’LL TELL YOU WHEN I SEE YOU, ALRIGHT? I PROMISE.  
TA: _ 01111001 o 46k55434b_  
TA: _i 43th 4c ink55_4521_  
TA: _i have something to say01110101 too_  
TA: _kk01101111i_

\-- COMMUNICATION TERMINATED --

You cannot stop yourself from screaming out loud. Why? _WHY??_ _Why must this always fucking happen??_

And why did you wait to say it? All you had to do was _type!!_

But no force on Alternia, _in the whole fucking universe_ , is going to stop you now.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [CG] \--

CG: TEREZI.  
CG: GET YOUR SHIT READY.  
CG: IT’S NOW OR FUCKING NEVER.  
GC: 1 W4S HOP1NG YOUD S4Y TH4T 4T SOM3 PO1NT >:]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Hex' = curse/bad thing, Sollux's situation = very bad thing, I thought it was enough of a link and anyway it's shorter than binary.
> 
> There is a message or two hidden in this. 43 4c 55 45 20 4c 49 4e 4b 53 20 54 4f 20 43 48 41 50 54 45 52 20 4f 4e 45. That is related to one of them, which is also the least important. There's also some random crap I threw in while I was messing around, see if you can find any of it if you can be bothered.
> 
> I really wish I could have blinky text in this but fml when it comes to any kind of coding...


	13. > Back in the body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like Aniken too much I'm sorry.
> 
> Also Dagfin which is weird.

> Back in the body.

You are wrenched back into the confines of your body, confused and terrified as the communication abruptly ends. _Terminated_ , someone _terminated_ it. You don’t even have to be fully awake to know what it means. _Someone knows you were talking to Karkat_.

You can hear them talking, but you can’t see. Everything has been shut off, even your cameras. All you have left are your body’s few remaining senses and you’re ears are ringing too loudly to make out any words. Who are you, what are you, why, how, you’re a ship, not you’re not you’re a troll, a troll-ship, a ship-troll…?

You don’t know. You feel lost in your own mind. But there are people there. _There are people there and you are going to die_.

‘...told you I told you _I told you!_ ’ The voice becomes louder, more distinct. You can make out the words and you do not like them.

‘ _I told you!_ ’ the woman shrieks. ‘I told you, but you didn’t listen! I’ll have you head for this, Dagfin, _at the very least!_ ’

‘Well it’s sorted out _now_ , alright?’ comes the peeved reply. You can’t see anything, and your hearing is still fuzzy, but the voices are moving in the block around you. The trolls are agitated. _What is going on??_

‘No it _fucking_ well isn’t!’ the woman replies. You don’t know her name. You never thought to record it when you had the chance, and anyway you couldn't access it now, not the staf database either, not _any_ of your prescious knowledge...

You wonder if knowing would make her any less terrifying. Probably not.

‘ _Contact_ has been _made_ , you imbecile!’

‘ _He’s just a kid, Aniken!_ ’ Dagfin roars. ‘He won’t be able to _do_ anything!’

‘He _already could have done something!_ ’ is the banshee’s reply. You involuntarily shiver, an action that does nothing to help with your mounting anxiety because when was the last time you moved _at all_ out of something that was even vaguely your own will?

_(Trying to remember who you are.)_

_(Nothing to block those thoughts now.)_

_(…How much damage has been done?)_

You feel uncomfortable in your own body. Alien. _Wrong_. You hate it. You want to be the ship again, you _like_ the ship, it doesn’t hurt and you can see everything and all the answers are just _there_. And you don’t have to think the things that make you panic.

_(And it’s where you’re waiting for Karkat...)_

‘We _have_ those conversation records!’ Aniken continues, still at a horrible pitch. ‘They are _planning_ a _rescue_ that could destroy everything we’ve worked for! This Helmsman is second _only_ to the Condesce’s, Dagfin, _do you know what that means?!_ ’

For what feels like an age, there is only silence. Horrible, pressing silence that drives like icicles into your aural sponge clots and has you shivering all over.

‘You _wouldn’t_ ,’ Dagfin breathes. More silence. You can feel your eye sockets burning as they fill with tears of fear, fear of the _adults_ in the block. You want them to stop, to go away, to leave you in peace. You can deal with being trapped in your body if their words and actions don’t scare you half to death.

‘I would,’ the woman replies. ‘And I will.’

You don’t know what happens next. You hear shouting, screaming, metal-on-metal. Liquid splattering to the floor - far too much for this to be a normal kismesis fight. Somewhere in the middle of it, the scorching tears begin to leak there way under the mental on your face and run cold down your cheeks, over your tongue. You want them to stop; you want out of here and you want _KK_ , where is KK you need him _they_ need him if he was here then everything would be ok!

You miss the exact moment it ends, but suddenly you are once more assaulted by silence, broken only by the steady drip, drip, drip of blood and the panting of only one pair of lungs. You feel your breath hitch in your throat and bite back a whimper of fear.

‘Forgive me, my dear kismesis,’ says the victor, between gasps for breath. ‘But this is not a woman’s world.’

 _She killed him_.

_You are trapped in a block with an adult highblood biotechnician who just killed her own kismesis because of a starship._

You were the only witness.

 _You are going to **die**_.

‘Sorry you had to witness that,’ she says, coming nearer, _coming nearer she is going to kill you_. You stop breathing altogether. She watches you for a long, long time, and it seems that the dissolved oxygen is still being pumped into your blood because you don’t start feeling dizzy even if your lungs feel weird, until the adult troll abruptly turns around. Passing out now would be bliss but they won't even give you that mercy. You hear the squeak of her shoes on the polished metal floor.

You don’t know what she was looking for, or whether she found it. Her voice is curt when she speak again.

‘We are to reschedule take-off,’ she snaps. You guess she must have a communicator on her. You _hope_ she has a communicator on her, that you aren't the only one hearing those words. Your heart is pounding too hard for you to make out small sounds like the clicks of buttons or the crackle of static.

‘Yes, reschedule. There has been a... _minor_ complication. Send the clean-up crew while you’re at it. We are leaving in _twelve_ hours’ time.’ There is a pause. The meaning of her words is sinking in very, very slowly because there is no way that they can possibly be true.

‘Yes, I said twelve hours. I can explain why when we’re above atmo... _The real question is, ‘does the operator recognize his superiors??_ Because the assistant bio-'nician didn’t and would you like to know where he is now? Hm? Oh, so we have an agreement. Smart girl. _Clever_ girl... Yes, that’s it. Over.’ By this point, you are trying not to whimper in fear. You still have some dignity left, goddammit.

The troll turn back towards you. Approaches. Places an ice-cold hand on your cheek. You stop breathing again.

‘I could be so great,’ she whispers threateningly. ‘Don’t ruin this one chance.’ There’s a strange sort of longing in her voice that almost makes you reconsider your judgment of her and actually see where she’s coming from... but before you can do something _so fucking stupid_ , her steely claw is digging into your cheek, cutting cleanly through your flesh in a stinging, smarting line. You whine in pain and fear and tremble in your disgusting moorings, even after she has stepped away and left without another word.

You wait until the door is closed and count a hundred seconds in your head.

Only then do you let yourself start screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plz interpret Sollux's fear of death as being the first thing his tortured mind jumped to when he senses danger it was what I intended but poorly conveyed thank.
> 
> The whole 'not a woman's world' thing is building on what Porrim said, essentially: while the society appears matriarchal, there is underlying patriarchy screwing with things. Because it isn't stated anywhere else later, Aniken intends to run off and join the Condesce and finally have an 'equal'.
> 
> Aniken is a little messed-up in the pan.


	14. > Now or never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AKA 'heeeeeeeeeere weeeeeeeeee GOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!'

> Now or never.

CG: OK  
CG: HERE WE FUCKING GO.  
CG: IS EVERYONE READY?  
GC: Y3S!  
AG: Well, durrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!  
AA: 0f c0urse  
AC: :33 < affurmative!  
AT: i, cERTAINLY SEEM TO, bE WHERE i WAS TOLD TO BE,,,  
AG: Pupa, you are doing fine.  
AT: }:)  
CC: D----EFINIT--ELY!

CG: ERIDAN?  
CA: wwhat yeah im here  
CA: an im ready a course im ready  
CC: -Eridan  
CC: W)(atever t)(e glub you are doing  
CC: Stop doing it and get into position!  
CA: yes fef  
AG: I’m 8y the conveniently sleeping excuses for guards. Get over here.  
CA: jeez im comin alright  
CG: OK SO GAMZEE IS WITH ME, WE’RE BOTH WHERE WE SHOULD BE, AND EVERYONE *SEEMS* TO BE DOING WHAT THIS SHAKILY CONSTRUCTED MESS OF A PLAN WE HAVE NEEDS TO HAPPENED TO HAVE EVEN THE FAINTEST CHANCE OF WORKING AT ALL.  
CG: WE ONLY HAVE ONE SHOT AT THIS, AND AS PER USUAL WHEN WE COLLABORATE THERE IS A HUGE CHANCE THAT THINGS WILL GO HORRIBLY AND TERRIBLY WRONG. IF YOU NEED TO SAY ANYTHING, SAY IT NOW.  
GC: W3 C4N DO TH1S GUYS! W3 C4N M4K3 1T H4PP3N!  
AA: s0llux is c0unting 0n us  
CC: So we can’t let )(im down!  
CC: Well, figuratively 38/  
AC: :33 < i care very much for efurry one of you  
AC: :33 < even ampurra  
AC: :33 < so you must all be very careful or i will be cross!  
AT: eVERYONE JUST, hAS TO TRY TO DO THEIR BEST,  
AG: Tavros, I love you.  
AT: i LOVE YOU TOO }:)  
AT: <3  
AG: <33333333  
AA: 0_0  
AC: :OO < i did not s33 that one coming!  
GC: VR1SK4 YOU B3TT3R M4K3 1T B4CK OUT W3 N3V3R F1N1SH3D OUR L4ST TR14L >>:]  
AC: :33 < 8||  
GC: NOTH1NG SH4LL ST4ND 1N TH3 W4Y OF THE L4W!  
AG: Oh, you know it ;;;;)  
AA: t00 much, guys, really  
CA: fef?  
CC: Yes, -Eridan?  
CA: im sorry about all the shit ivve done  
CC: T)(at is COMPL---T—ELY fine!  
CC: You can make it up to me once we’re done )(ere 38)

CG: ALRIGHT THEN.  
CG: LETS GO.

======>

The first part of the plan goes well. Insanely well. _Impossibly_ well. You keep on expecting to wake up and discover that it had been nothing but a dream, or maybe make that a daymare, because this is all way too good to be true.

But it is. _Somehow_ , every colour that flashes before your eyes, every distant shout or shot you hear _is all real_.

You are still fucking terrified, but everything is going ok. _Somehow_.

The plan is running smoothly (so far). You split with Gamzee a while back, which is regrettable but not unexpected. Not every member of the whole dock was going to grab every weapon they could and rush out to deal with the totally unexpected stampede of... well, every animal within a ten-mile radius happening in the North Sector, could they? Nor could every troll be rendered stupid(er) by mindpowers because mindpowers simply don’t work that way.

So basically, you have been met with resistance. You planned for that, _obviously _, but it's still been a pain. You knew that getting in and out _completely_ silently was impossible, especially since the only person who could actually disable cameras and shit is the one you are trying to rescue. You swear you will give him grief for that, later, if only to have something else to yell about.__

(Solongasthereactually _IS_ alater,butnoKarkatshutthefuckup.)

You have lost your two escorts – Terezi and Gamzee – to small conflicts with the remaining trolls you met on the way, which is regrettable but not unplanned for. By that you mean they had to stay behind and protect your back, not that they’re _dead_. Holy hell no.

Not all your adversaries are adults, because even though Conscription is approaching like a pack of hungry, hunting wolves over the horizon, not many adults are pulled away from their precious positions to do Conscription work on Alternia: they're too valued where they are. So most of the trolls you've come across are juveniles of your generation, highbloods who were recruited early to help give glory to the Empire or some imperial bullshit. But too many of them _are_ grown up and they are fucking terrifying. This is _scary_ , you are _scared_ , not just for yourself but for _everyone_ , and now you will be entering the Helmsblock on your own, which wasn’t something you wanted at all.

But luckily not something you failed to plan about.

Hopefully Feferi will be swinging her influence around somewhere, getting Eridan and Vriska through to the main control block whatsit. They are the only two who have even the _faintest_ idea on how starships work, but unless they can bribe/blackmail a biotechnician into doing... whatever, then everything could fail.

You are already getting the feeling that sending _those two, alone_ wasn’t a very good idea at all. But they were the only two you _could_ send.

Meanwhile, Tavros, Nepeta and Aradia are focused on doing as much damage as possible to anything they can set their eyes on, creating a nice little distraction on the North side of the East Sector. They will make their way over here once you give the signal. Everyone will. What happens then depends on a few things, but the plan does cover escaping, too.

You’re not that dumb. Just. Besides it was mostly Terezi who orchestrated this, thank flaming fuckage - without her you would've undoubtedly failed before you even started.

You are pulled away from your thoughts as you reach a tall steel archway, blocked by steel doors that meet in the middle to lock. You stop running and skid to a halt, panting, and only just becoming aware of how long you've been moving. If the maps are right, which they almost certainly are, then right through there is the Helmsblock.

You do not allow yourself to entertain the thought of what it would be like if it _isn’t_ the Helmsblock in there.

Sollux is through this door, too. You have to remind yourself to breathe, then you swallow, and then you get out your com device again.

CG: I’M HERE.  
GC: GOOD LUCK

Good luck.

_That is all she says????_

You feel like fucking _crying_ again. All the fear and anxiety and tremendous lack of sleep is suddenly bearing down at you all at once, making you shake from head to two and your knees lock in place. You cannot take another step.

You are scared. It’s as simple as that.

But you think of Sollux. Think of his quirk, his smile, his eyes and, of course, that ridiculous lisp. The arguments you’ve had, the thousands of times you’ve fought, the thousands of times you’ve made up again. _Yeth, we are still friendth_ became a sort of mantra eventually.

Then you think of him in the Helmsblock, suspended from the ceiling by a thousand wriggling wires and you feel the anger (the strength) creep back into your bones. You can move again, and you take a step forward. Then another. You find the lock, and tap in the code.

_(Pretty dumb for practically every ship member to keep a record of every code on them at all times, in your opinion, but you are as glad as fuck that they all do.)_

_(The fact that your success means that you’re better than anything they were prepared for only occurs to you later, but it’s a glorious feeling when it does.)_

You hold your breath as you enter the numbers, because this is where it could all go wrong. You can see the reinforcement shutters peeking out from between the doors and the top of the arch, gleaming metal and thicker than your hand, ready to slam down as soon as someone _dares_ to go somewhere they shouldn’t. The force of them could rid you of your whole arm, and the lockdown that followed would spell certain doom.

But the code is accepted. The door slides open smoothly, hissing very slightly as it goes. Your breathing has slowed, your heart stopped drumming in your ears, and the world has fallen eerily quiet.

You keep on expecting something to go wrong... or for you to wake up. Wake up like you have so many times, wake up to discover that it was nothing but a dream, and that Sollux is still gone, and that you're still as close to rescuing him as you are to touching the green moon with your bear fingers.

But then, there he is, only a few short meters away from you.

And it is so, _so_ much worse than you could’ve ever _possibly_ imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this chapter so much. Something about their collaboration seems so fucking baddass and I love it.


	15. > Blood-Stained Blades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stating this a little late perhaps, buuuuuuuuuuut...
> 
> Since this is a non-game AU, EVERY game element is gone. This means no Sylladices, and 'Strife Specibus' is only a slang term for what weapon you use or something. Only things that are very specific to the characters and can be explained by other means remain.
> 
> Sorry, not vital to the chapter, just didn't want to cause any confusion.

> Blood-Stained Blades

Your legs start to shake again as you force yourself to take a step forward. Then another. And another. Your mouth has gone dry and you feel sick to your stomach, but you can’t look away now that you’ve seen.

Sollux is there. Sollux, dwarfed by the slightly squirming mass of yellow-stained biowires as he hangs limply from their slick, slimy grasp, barely breathing as far as you can tell.

And so _quiet_.

You don’t realize you’re crying until the tears are dipping off your chin, making gently _plip, plip, plops_ on the cool metal floor. You scrub at them furiously, and force yourself back to reality, trying to think _rationally_. You need to get him down from there, somehow... you have your sickle, you can cut him loose!

...But some of that has to be life-support, and there are wires in his _brain_. One wrong move could kill him, you know that, Terezi and Vriska swore it to you...

God _dammit!_ You weren’t expecting it to be easy, but you’d at least hoped it’s be _simple_ once you got to this stage!

You grab your sickle from its holster at your hip, hold it between your teeth, and run towards the slimy mass. You force yourself to touch it, to grab the twitching tentacles with both hands and force your shoes to find purchase on the slippery surface. It isn’t an easy climb and the feel of it beneath you isn’t helping your nausea, but your reach the top and grab hold of Sollux’s shoulders to prevent yourself from sliding down.

You take your sickle into your hand, but end up holding it uselessly because you don’t know where to cut, or whether to cut at all. Sollux hasn’t moved since you entered, doesn’t even seem to know you’re there, and for a while you can only stare at your friend and hope against hope that he’ll wake up before you do anything.

He doesn’t.

You raise your sickle but can’t bring it down. His arms are in there somewhere, as well as God-knows how many vitally important wires.

You’ll need to wake him up first...

How the hell are you gonna do that?

You put your sickle away because it isn’t doing any good, blade sliding smoothly back into the leather scabbard, then wonder what the fuck to do with your free hand. And how to move your other one without sliding ungracefully to the floor.

In the end, you shift around until you are straddling Sollux’s waist. You are far too scared and upset to think about how wrong this looks, less-than-normal circumstances or not.

‘Sollux?’ Your voice is too loud, even at a whisper. It echoes around the room, cutting cleanly through the low hum of the computers and you try not to wince. But you’ll need to keep talking if you’re going to wake him up.

Cupping his face, you lift his head up, shuddering as you feel the minute biowires beneath the skin of his cheeks, pulsing steadily against your fingers. A metal band runs around his face, fitted like a mask over his eyes. It’s completely flat where it meets the sockets - no raised bumps where his eyes should be - and more wires squirm under it like worms, thin as threads, and at this distance you can _see_ them moving.

You try very, very hard not to think about it.

‘Sollux? Sollux!’ You slap him. Not hard, but hopefully enough to sting. Your back is to the door, which you think is still open, and every second is making you more and more anxious. You don’t think you vascular system can take much more of this...

‘ _Sollux!_ ’ you half-scream, struggling against desperation. Why won’t he _wake_ _up??_ This can’t be normal! He told you he could feel things, right?? Is he _paralyzed_ or something?? Oh God, what if he _can_ hear you but can’t _move_ and he’s _trapped_ in his own body _forever_ oh God oh God _oh God._

You wrap your arms around his cold, still body and just _hold_ him as tight as you can. You don’t want to let go, not _ever_. You are trembling from horn to toe and your body is heaving with suppressed sobs and no force on Alternia will ever made you let go on him, not now.

‘ _I love you_ ,’ you whisper, voice half-strangled with tears. You aren’t thinking, there’s no time to think, no time to do anything exceed what your heart is telling you to ‘ _I **love** you, Sollux, you unbearable douchebag... **Please** wake up!_ ’

He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak. You continue to cling like a limpet, trying and failing to get control over your body. Everything is shitty and you are not moving from this spot, not _ever_. They can take you into space with them, for all you care. You are _never_ leaving this douchebag alone again and _nothing_ will make you let go.

Not even if you die. You have failed the one person you honestly, _truly_ love and you will _never—_

‘ _KK...?_ ’

The voice is so quiet you almost miss it. It is a whisper of a whisper, fainter than faint, and for far, far too long you think you imagined it, that maybe you’ve finally gone mad, because let’s be honest you kinda expected you would just from being surrounded by so many blithering assholes every day, so—

_‘KK.'’_

You are pretty damn sure you didn’t imagine it this time. Leaning back, you raise Sollux’s head again. His lips are slightly parted now, but it’s so damn hard to work out if he’s awake or not when you can’t see his fucking eyes...

‘I’m here!’ Your voice comes out much, much louder than you meant it to but you don’t give a fuck. ‘Sollux, it’s me, I’m here!’ You don’t know what you’re saying, only that you are saying something and that can feel Sollux’s breathing speed up and his lips move so very, very slightly and that you are now the happiest troll in the entire fucking _universe_. Sollux’s lips – cracked and dry and the wrong shade of black – twitch into a small smile.

‘I love you too, you athhole,’ he breathes. You’re heart fucking _soars_. He’s awake and he's talking and he's still _Sollux_ , despite everything that’s happened he is still the infuriating fuckwad you fell in love with. The relief is so great you almost start crying _again_ , but managed to swallow it down. Now is the time for _action_ , and you've been blubbering enough these past few perigees.

‘I wath going to tell you,’ Sollux continues. He looks so damn happy and you couldn’t bear to spoil it, so you keep your protein hole shut and let him speak.

You’re so glad to hear his voice, at _last_ , that you don’t really care, either.

‘I wath going to tell you when we latht talked, but the connecthion—’ He stops. A look of abject horror spreads steadily across his face.

You freeze. And wait.

‘The connecthion wath terminated,’ Sollux breathes, completely still beneath your hands. ‘KK. KK, you _have_ to get out of here!’ His voice is urgent, panicked, scared. You swallow thickly and stroke his face.

‘It’s ok,’ you begin, trying to reassure him. He’s only just woken up, he must be very confused... _everything is ok, for fuck's sake!_ ‘It’s ok, this whole place is distracted. Our friends are helping, ok?? Aradia is flinging shit around and doing whatever ghostly psychic shit she does, and Tavros is controlling a stampede of beasts somewhere, and even _Vriska_ is helping out, we have time, I’ve just got to—’

‘No!’ Sollux shakes his head, looking and sounding honest-to-God _terrified_. ‘You have to leave! Thhe knows you’re coming! Thhe knowth you’re here!’

‘ _Who_ knows I’m here?’ you growl, taking out your sickle again. ‘Whoever she is, I’m going to kill her. I’m not leaving—’

'How valiant of you,’ says the dry, cold voice from directly behind you. You twist around so fast you almost lose your grip, and you’re glad as fuck you don’t because standing at the bottom of the tentacle mound, white coat gleaming and blood-stained scissors shining in the cool light, is an adult blueblood troll.

You can feel Sollux quivering and tighten your grip on his shoulder, trying to comfort him despite being close to quaking in fear yourself.

But mostly, you feel angry.

This... _bitch_ is standing in your way, _threatening_ Sollux _and_ has the audacity to be patronizing, too! You are _done_ with everything being stacked against you as you attempt to force some semblance of happiness from this shitty world and you will destroy anything and everything that tries to stop you from now on. And that is final.

‘Thhe’th mad, KK,’ Sollux whimpers. You distantly notice that the fear is making his lisp worse. ‘Thhe killed her own kithmethith. I heard it all! Thhe wantth to take me into thpace, fly me herthelf!’

Without taking your eyes off the troll, you carefully pap Sollux’s cheek. You can feel his jaw trembling still, but he stops whimpering. You need to keep calm, keep your wits, and _think_ about what to do.

‘Do not fool yourself into thinking this will work, filthblood,’ the woman continues. You feel Sollux flinch with every word and your anger grow with every syllable. ‘This ship is _mine_ ,’ the troll snarls, lips curling back over vicious fangs. ‘ _Mine_ , and I will not allow it to be taken from me. Not by you, and not by _anyone_.’ She doesn’t sound insane. She sounds rational: every word is delicately planned and perfectly executed, and that is more terrifying than insanity ever will be.

You could _deal_ with insanity. Your moirail is a purple, for fuck’s sake, you’re _used_ to highblood psychosis. This is so far from your comfort zone it practically breaches the boundaries of the _universe_ …

‘You’re not taking him,’ you hiss, readying yourself to jump the fuck down there and slice her fucking head off. 'I'll fucking kill you if you dare lay _one fucking finger on him, you got that?!_ '

She laughs. And _that_ is what makes her sound insane.

'Little wiggler,' she coos, sweeter than sugar and twelve times as sickly, 'I will crush you like an insect. Leave quickly, there's a good boy, and maybe you will live to see another night.'

 _'Never_!' you roar, and draw your sickle again.

The troll raises her scissors -- that blood must be that of her ex-kismesis, then -- just as you leap down to face her.

' _KARKAT!!_ ' Sollux screams, as the blades clash with the ring of metal on metal. She is taller than you, and stronger, but you are faster and driven by a rage that burns in your core; a desperation to see her blood spill; a _need_ to avenge Sollux fucking Captor.

Your sickle becomes locked between the blades of her scissors. Both of you grapple with your hands. Her fingers clench in your hair and _twist_ , and you howl in pain and fury, kicking at her shins and writhing in her grip.

In desperation, you slide your sickle free and slash a her exposed wrist. It works -- she lets go with a yelp -- but you can't get away before she brings her own blades down.

You leap backwards, stumbling a little over your own feet as you press a hand to the double gash in your chest. It isn't serious, you can tell that without looking, but now your blood is plain to see.

But maybe it will work to your advantage: the troll is staring at her weapon with an odd mixture of horror, disgust and blatant terror. You swallow, take less than a second to mentally collect yourself, before raising your sickle again and preparing to charge. This... this could be it.

But actually, it isn't.

Before you can move, something happens: a section of the wall to your right... lights up.

And it isn't wall, either: it's a screen.

Taking your eyes off your opponent is probably the most stupid, most dangerous, most _crazy_ thing that can be done in a fight, but when both parties do it the risk is rendered somewhat moot. Both of you turn and stare as a male adult troll flickers into existence on the hard, flat surface.

The woman to your left makes a small, high-pitched sound, which you ignore in favour of wondering what the fuck is going on and why you keep on being interrupted before you can do or say something really awesome.

'Greetings,' says the troll, staring straight ahead at the opposite wall. He can't see you, he realize. Must be playing a recording or something. 'I am inferior biomechanic of this vessel, _previously_ under the command of Dr. Aniken.' He pauses, and takes a breath. 'By the time you hear this, I will probably be dead.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're reaching the climax yo
> 
> Not long to go now until this thing is finished. I have some extra little bits and there will, hopefully, be a sequel of some sort, but I have other stuff to be doing and so I can't promise anything.


	16. > Laboured Breathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screw creative titles. It's 10.00 pm.
> 
> Forgot to mention in the last chapter: I tend to interpret Sollux's lisp as being completely killer and affecting his 'sh' sounds too, because his quirk replaces all Ss with 2s, indiscriminately. So that is what it happening in this fic.
> 
> Also: sorry Dagfin... I honestly do like you!

> Laboured breathing.

Nobody moves. Not you, not Sollux, not the woman... even the man on the screen is still.

Except he is shaking, very, very slightly.

Then, he takes a breath (shallow, you'd expect it to be deeper, there's obviously something wrong with him), and continues:

'Let it be known that I do not support your cause, whatever it may be,' he says, eyes still fixed straight ahead. He has yet to even blink. 'However, for this ship to fall into the wrong hands is the worst possible outcome, and I will not allow it.' He takes another breath, slightly deeper this time but still by no means healthy. The audio is loud but not particularly clear, so you can't tell if there was a slight rasp or just static.

(But is then that you realize that those stripes around his chest are nothing to do with his sign, and not a part of his uniform. You finally notice the splotches of blue and a shudder runs down your spine, but you bite your tongue and refuse to make a sound.)

'Sollux Captor,' he says. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Sollux give a start. 'Let it also be known, that I do not wish you freedom. Yet, I am giving you a chance to regain it.' He stops, and briefly closes his eyes. You see his Adam's apple bob as he swallows. What he is doing is far from easy.

Then, after less than three seconds, he opens his eyes again. They shine with steely determination and you find that your respect for this troll is growing, if begrudgingly.

'I have built a trapdoor in the system,' he says, loud and clear. 'It will allow you to take complete control over the ship. However, Aniken has disconnected you from the ship's internal and external network. You will need linking back into the system, and that must be done from the cockpit controls. From reconnection on, however, it should be easy.'

The female troll hisses and you flinch, gripping your sickle tightly and cursing yourself for ignoring your enemy... But she isn't even facing your way: she is far too focused on the screen.

This could be your chance...

But...

'Aniken.' There is a tone of finality in the male's voice, as well as a deep weariness. You look back at him in time to see a thousand emotions flicker through his eyes, a thousand words and phrases rushing through his mind.

What will he say? Something romantic? That he forgives her, that he still hates her, that he--?

'I do not regret my decision,' is what he says at last. You're not sure what it means, or whether it really means anything at all...

But you hear Aniken's cry, anguish and rage and something else, something truly terrible, all mixed into a single sound. The scissors hit the screen just as it blanks out, sending double spider webs of cracks spanning across the once-flawless surface.

There is another moment of utter stillness, the silence of which is broken only by the woman's pants and gasps. You turn to face her, raising your sickle. She is unarmed, this is your chance. You think of what she did to Sollux and all your fury comes flooding back.

Of course you can fucking kill her. You didn't even need to ask yourself that: you have known it since your saw her.

But as she turns towards you, her eyes widen. Not in rage, but fear.

She has been stupid and knows that she's been stupid.

She knows that you could -- and intend to -- kill her brutally and in the most painful way possible with a sickle.

She is not a _complete_ idiot.

She turns and runs.

The urge to pursue her seems to gnaw at your _sanity_ –- your revenge is being lost as fast as she runs. You want to make her _suffer_ , regretting ever being _hatched_ ; you want to dig your sickle into her guts and _twist_.

'KK,' Sollux whispers. You don't think he can manage anything louder at the moment. ' _Focuth_.'

Somehow, you do. Somehow, you turn away from the doors and put your sickle back into its holster. This isn't the time to fight... hopefully Terezi or Gamzee will find her and do the job for you. It won't be as satisfying as doing it yourself, but god _damn,_ all you really need is to see her body on the floor.

Quickly snapping yourself back to reality, you reach for your communicator, the quickest form of relaying messages but also the least safe. The agreement had been to not use these things right until the end. There is shit still to be done, and if you're not quick, the bitch could bring in reinforcements.

'Everyone,' you order, using your Commander Vantas voice, 'get to the fucking ship. We're going with plan C. I know it sounds crazy but we are.' You stop, and take a breath. Meanwhile, a chorus of 'yes sir!'s and similar crackle through the tiny speaker.

'Vriska,' you continue. 'And Eridan too, maybe. You need to reconnect Sollux from the controls in the cockpit. I have no fucking clue how to do it, but it's our only way out of here.'

'Right,' Vriska replies, voice tinny and laced with static. These were the best you could afford and they are still fucking terrible. 'Fishface has a biotech at gunpoint. I think he's doing it, unless he really does have a death-wish...' You stop completely listening to her, because you'll know when it happens.

Sollux gasps just before Vriska's exuberant shout batters your left aural sponge clot.

'KK,' Sollux murmurs, sounding very far away, and not in the literal sense, 'I think you should grab hold of something.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that the -- things don't automatically become one line really annoys me...
> 
> I tend to give my characters really awful deaths for some reason... hardly anyone goes cleanly... sigh.
> 
> Fun fact: I have drawn a [picture of Dagfin!](http://selenaestella.tumblr.com/post/41960940697/i-told-you-it-was-shitty-spoilers-for-the) (Fanart of my own characters is perfectly acceptable shush.) It's just a sketch really.
> 
> Nearly at the end now... two of three more to go, I think! Also, doing a promotion post in the morning.


	17. > Plan C

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am proud of this chapter... probably means it's shit but whatever.
> 
> Here we fucking go.

> Plan C.

The change is instantaneous.

The void at the back of your mind, once so bright and vibrant with colours and data but rendered dead and still by nothing, is suddenly alive again, with the flick of a switch. You are sucked back into it like it’s a reverse space-vacuum, the sheer amount of _entity_ pulling you in.

You feel the familiar rush and everything settles into place exactly how it used to. Except... there’s more now. Somehow, there is more, and _this_ is what it feels like to be a fucking starship. This isn’t like how it was when you were first hooked up – with wires in your brain creating a feeble bridge between your mind and the ship – it is _completely_ different. It is like.. settling into the pilot’s chair. You _are_ the pilot: everything you need is spread out before you, neatly labelled and well within reach. And, best of all, _you’re still you_. You are not just a battery or a base or anything like that. You're a living, thinking being again.

You are Sollux fucking Captor and you are here to fly this bitch. Not just power it.

You put everything where it needs to be and see the entirety of the known universe flash before your eyes. You could go _anywhere_ : leap across light-years in less than a minute. _This_ is your potential, your worth in wires... It’s no wonder they got you so early, or why Aniken wanted to steal you so badly. You are fucking _incredible_.

It would be so easy to become lost in it all, to fly faster than lightspeed to anywhere in the universe that takes your fancy. But your hundreds of eyes are open again and you can see Karkat, looking tired and confused, sweet troll Jesus, when was the last time he got any sleep?

You need to take him _home_.

You tell him to hold onto something because the jolt when you start will be huge, and he needs time to get secured. It doesn’t surprise you in the least when the first place he runs is the mound of biowires.

As he wraps his arms around you once more, you are alerted by something not necessarily part of the ship and not necessarily part of your own brain, that this is still going to hurt like a bitch and that attempting a proper warp-speed leap as your first actual flight, and especially attempting a proper warp-speed leap _in atmosphere_ is about the most dangerous thing that you could do in this situation.

You could die before you even take off.

You could crash and kill everyone.

You could explode in the sky and wipe out a whole city with burning chunks of metal and   waves of deadly radiation.

But it this is your only option. There never was a choice, so you don’t try find another way.

Not everything’s set, but there’s no time for proper safety procedures: your friends are running towards you, nursing bloody cuts and broken limbs, and as soon as they’re all on board you need to get the fuck out of here.

For a few short moments, you are too choked with emotion to do or say anything. _They came_. They came _for you_. Of course your friends never abandoned you: they were always there. Always there, just waiting in the wings until they could make their move.

You are aware, on some level, that your aren’t thinking quite right and that you _haven’t_ been thinking quite right since the moment you woke up in the Helmsblock. On a deeper level, you are aware that there is a very high chance that you have been majorly fucked-up brain-wise by this whole clusterfuck of events. You could probably find out just what they actually did to your pan if you searched the ship’s computer long enough...

But everything is far too amazing right now to give a shit about any of that.

As the last of your friends struggles on board, you can finally close the doors. You can feel the vibrations in the metal as blow upon blow falls against them, but you are only letting them in when the Condesce (willingly) gives up the Empire, divides all its riches among the conquered planets and devotes the rest of her life to perfecting her ballet moves.

Safety is thrown out the metaphorical window as you start the thrusters. Just enough to get you in the air and get everyone on the ground scurrying away. Warning messages, bright red and flashing, pop up before you mind’s eye. You close them all. Because who gives a fuck if anyone outside gets hurt?

Aniken had already released the moorings. All that’s left to do is set a destination, utilize the helmsman, and—

Ah.

This is going to hurt. Having psychic power drawn from one’s consciousness far faster and harder than can be reasonably done under normal circumstances can never _not_ hurt. Even if you were able to take it slowly, which you can’t.

You swallow, and tuck your head into KK’s neck. Your body is already starting to shake from remembering the pain, but you don’t have a choice. And the longer you stay here, the worse it’s going to get. You can already sense them trying to hack your system from the outside...

‘KK,’ you whisper. His arms clench around you and the fact that you can’t do the same to him hurts more than being a battery ever will be. ‘KK, thith ith going to hurt me, and I am going to thcream. But it won’t be for too long.’ You swallow thickly. ‘I’ll be ok, ok?’

‘I’ve got you,’ he growls. His hand runs up the back of your head and you feel him flinch as it encounters the wires. But he keeps on searching until he finds a good place to rest it and keep you pressed against him. ‘I’m not gonna let go, ‘kay? I’m never— Fuck, Sollux, I’m never leaving you alone again!’ He sounds choked. KK the cry-wiggler. Not that you can really care when you’re so busy seeing hearts...

There is only one thing you have to do and you’ve already set it so that the ship can’t stop until it reaches the landing point. No backing out of this once it’s started. You give yourself three seconds to get prepared and it ends up being around five but whatever.

You give the final command. The pause is just long enough to fool you into thinking it won’t hurt.

And then everything dissolves into pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearly at the end... although I get the feeling that there will be more of this fic-verse.
> 
> As usual, plz point out mistakes etc =)


	18. > The chance to see you one last time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The main adventure part is over. Now for some glorious H/C! Sweet, sweet, sweet fluffy H/C...

> The chance to see you one last time.

This time, you are fully aware that you are screaming. You cannot work out if this makes it better or worse – you are in far too much pain to even _think_. And when the breath in your lungs runs out, you are locked in a silent confine of agony while Karkat, so far away and yet right in front of you, rubs your back and strokes your horns and tries to tell you through his hiccuping sobs that everything will be ok.

You sink your teeth into his shoulder and try your best to believe him.

Warning sirens ring all around the block and clang in the back of your head. _Atmosphere,_ they tell you. _Overheating, burning up_. You can’t reach above lightspeed here but you’re trying as hard as you can.

And paying the price for it.

This is killing the ship – metal is melting and dripping away. The stabilizers are struggling and you can feel harsh vibrations running through your bones. The interior is literally shaking to pieces, bolts juddering loose, wires disconnecting and melting from the electrical overload.

It is only when you are informed that the landing thrusters have combusted that you realize how bad it really is, however.

And by this time, there’s no time to stop and think. Had your destination been, literally, one mile closer than it was, you would have made it. You can see the stats and the stats don’t lie. And now, there is barely even time to think, let alone warn anyone: all you can do is brace yourself the best that you can and attempt to pre—

The crash knocks you out before you can register hitting the ground.

> Karkat: Wake.

Your head has almost certainly been split into two. Nothing else could possibly be the cause of the agony it is making you feel at the moment.

Nevertheless, you fight your hardest against the dizziness. You don’t know where you are, or what you are doing, but what you _do_ know is that it is very important and that you will remember it as soon as your head stops spinning so much.

Opening your eyes doesn’t help much, because all you can see are some faintly flickering lights, which do nothing to sooth your killer headache.

But it does help your other senses kick in: you can smell something akin to burning, which is always a bad thing, and there is a faint fizzing-popping somewhere fairly near you which you are hoping to Gamzee’s old Messiahs isn’t an actual fire.

You also become aware of the fact that you are on your back on something hard and that various broken-off bits of things are digging into your spine. The floor also seems to be tilting slightly.

Thankfully, it doesn’t take your brain too long to work it out and everything comes rushing back. You sit up, much too fast for someone who was just rendered unconscious, and curse as your vision whites out for a moment due to the excruciating pain in your horns. Blood drips into your eyes, and your body is shaking and not doing what you want it to. Jesus Christ, what the fuck even _happened??_

...Bit of a dumb question actually: it’s fairly obvious that you crashed.

And Sollux, oh fuck, is he ok, is he hurt, _is he even still alive??_ The crash flung you to the other side of the goddamn block, but he was (and is) fixed in place by those disgusting yellowish tentacle-things, so _hopefully_ he’s ok...

You can see blood on his face and you stumble towards him as fast as you can. The yellow drips from his nose, trickles down the sides of his mouth and practically _pours_ from under the metal band over his face. Even his ears are bleeding.

 _And you don’t think he’s breathing_.

Holy shit, how long were you out? How long has he been like this?? He can’t be dead, because he’s bleeding, and that means his heart’s still beating, right???

‘Sollux!’ Your voice comes out frail and shaky. You have been crying far too much lately and it is completely pathetic, but that doesn’t stop the tears from rolling down your cheeks.

‘ _Sollux!_ ’ You manage a proper shout this time, and finally your legs and arms collaborate sufficiently enough to let you scramble up to him. It is much, much harder this time and you are unsure whether it is because of the way the whole ship is listing slightly or because of your head injury. Probably both, actually.

Sollux is breathing very, very faintly and his heart is thrumming like a dragonfly’s wings, only so weakly you can barely feel it. There’s no overhead lighting, none of the panels are lit up... Holy shit, his life-support isn’t working.

He could be dying.

He could be dying and _you’re just sitting there like a fucking moron_.

Your mind flickers back to the little you know about medicincineration. You know – in theory – what to do if the heart and lungs actually _stop_... but what the fuck are you meant to do when it comes to something like this??

You do not wrap your arms around him again because you don’t see how that would do anything other than make it worse. But you use your sleeve to wipe away the blood and you rub his back and say his name and swear to whatever forces are out there that if, after _everything_ , THIS turns out to be the moment that Sollux fucking Captor kicks the shit, then the heavens themselves will bow before your wrath, and the Condesce’s blood will run like a river around your feet.

...Actually, you were intending to accomplish that last anyway, but if Sollux dies then it will be _so_ much sweeter and ten times more painful.

But he isn’t going to die. You tell him that. You tell him, that if he dies, you will follow him to the next life and drag him back to this one. That he will never hear the end of it, that you will yell and swear until life decides to be kind to you (and him) for once.

Hearing your name from his cracked and bitten lips is the most beautiful sound on Alternia. Seeing those same lips stretch into the smallest of small smiles is the most wonderful thing that you have ever witnessed.

‘I’m going to... to try and get the l-lightth on,’ he gasps, once he has enough air in his lungs to speak. ‘Hopefully, th-the auxiliary engines haven’t been thmashed up too m-much... b-but we’ll have to get out thoon...’ He trails off, and the lights flicker on, dim but working well enough. Sollux looks terrible and you doubt that you’re much better, but fuck do things look better in the light.

‘...What now?’ Sollux whispers softly. You swallow.

‘I don’t know,’ you reply truthfully. You had been so focused on making the plan work, on just getting him _out_ , that you hadn’t given much thought as to what you would do _afterwards_.

‘I could cut you loose,’ you mutter, hand drifting towards you sickle. ‘Get you down...’ Sollux is shaking his head.

‘I’m in... control of the ship,’ he says, voice still very faint. ‘If I go, then everything... everything will shut down... You might not be able to get out...’ He drifts from word to word as if not entirely sure that they’re even there. For a while you don’t say anything, and he just breathes in a raspy, shaky way that cannot be normal, and you try to work out what the fuck to do now.

‘KK,’ he says eventually, ‘look to your left.’

‘I... what?’

‘One of my camerath ith thtill working,’ he says. You hadn’t realized until now just how much you adore his lisp. Good God, you are completely in love. This is completely ridiculous. ‘I want... I want to thee your fathe...’

You turn, and you look. You don’t think about the state you’re in, or how clearly you’re displaying your blood to the world – all you care about is Sollux and giving him the chance to see you one last time.

You find the camera and stare into it, not sure what to do with your face and finding yourself completely unable to smile. Sollux hums contentedly and rests his head on your shoulder. If he’s noticed your blood, then he hasn’t said anything. But he seems so out of it that you don’t think he has... Things will be awkward in the future, but so long as you both get out this alive then you will take whatever life throws at you with pride.

You are also aware that explaining your blood to your friends will be hard, and that it is a thing that you will have to face very soon.

This, among many things, is the reason why you want this moment to last forever.

But naturally (infuriatingly), it can’t.

The doors shriek as they’re brutally forced apart, metal grinding against metal in a way that grates against your ears, and _now_ you have to deal with the aftermath.

Sollux has already passed out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really nearing the end of this story now... but not the end of the universe...


	19. > Sollux: Wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shameless, shameless H/C fluff.
> 
> I feel as if I badly portrayed what's up with Sollux's head but OH WELL.

> Sollux: Wake.

Waking up is awful.

Your wrists and knees hurt with a pain that spikes up your limbs and curls throughout your whole body, throbbing with every heartbeat and making your guts twist in sickened agony. You cannot feel your hands or your fingers or your shins or your feet. Your face burns as if it’s been skinned and then scrubbed with saltwater. Your eye sockets feel tight and dry and they _smoulder_ with pain.

Your head, perhaps, is even worse: the most dreadful of your migraines have had you coonridden for nights, but they are _nothing_ compared to this. Lightning bolts of misery shoot through your skull, and it takes you a moment to realize that the drawn-out moan of anguish is issuing from your own throat.

But the worst pain isn’t caused by anything physical – it is the pain caused by loss. You are alone in your own mind and trapped there, no ship to hide in and find solace. You cannot sense it at all: it _simply_ _isn’t there_. You miss it like you would miss a person, and couple with the physical sensations, the anguish is impossible to bear.

You think you might be crying, but you are so encompassed by your own suffering that anything beyond the confines of your body is a complete mystery. Distantly, you think you might hear voices, murmured words you cannot discern. You are confused and in distress and incredibly alone...

Then, hands in your hair, on your horns; feather-light touches that somehow sooth the pain. A familiar voice that says your name and quells the confusion in your mind. You need them like you need air to breathe, and you try to reach for them but you can’t, your body isn’t working properly and the pain, _somehow_ , magnifies tenfold when you try, and everything is horrible right now except for the gentle touches and the knowledge that you aren't alone.

For a long time, you drift between sleep and consciousness until the pain lessens enough for you to slip away again.

> =>

Things are clearer the next time you wake up.

Clearer but no less painful.

You try so hard not to make a sound, but it turns out to be impossible. Everything _hurts_ , you want _KK_ , why are you alone where’s the ship _where are you??_

‘Sollux?’ The voice is soft, quiet and familiar. You turn your head towards it, seeking out any form a comfort. A cool hand touches your cheek. You bite your lip and whimper, aching for security. And answers.

 _Something_ has to fill the void left by the ship.

‘ _Shhh_ ,’ they whisper, with a female voice. ‘It’s alright... You’re ok...’

‘What... I...’ You struggle to force the words past the thickness of your tongue, the dryness of your mouth. Your hear movement, then then something cold and moist is being dabbed against your lips. It helps, slightly.

‘Where’th k-KK?’ you manage, because for some reason you can’t quite remember, Karkat is very, very important and you need him, right now, as soon as possible or something terrible will happen.

‘Sleeping. I’ll get him. You... It’ll be ok, ok?’ They sound worried... no, afraid. Afraid of what, you don’t know. But they leave quickly. You wait. The silence presses against your ears and you are alone and you are in pain. Everything is horrible, and you want Karkat.

You hear muffled voices again, and then footsteps that are different to the ones you heard before. And a warm hand cups your cheek and his voice is filling the silence and for one fleeting second, everything is completely perfect.

' _Sollux_ ,' Karkat chokes. He sure does cry a lot. 'Oh, my God... _Sollux_...!' He slides his arms underneath you so that he can cradle you against his body. The movement hurts but you bear it because you _need_ to feel him close to you, _need_ to feel him breathing, feel his heart beating, feel the warmth that proves he is there with you.

'We thought you'd _died_ ,' he sobs. 'We c-cut you down, and you stopped _breathing_... But, Terezi found your pulse... God, I just stood there like a _fucking moron_...!' He curls around you and proceeds to cry his eyes out. As much as you love him, this is getting a little tiring.

'KK,' you sigh, 'KK, it'th alright. I'm here. I'm ok.' To be honest, you're not sure you _are_ ok, but you want him to stop crying. He shouldn't be sad.

'But I thought you _wouldn't_ be!' he howls, raising a hand to the back of your head again, just like he did in the Helmsblock. But this time, he presses against something that causes a shrill ringing to temporarily block your ears and pain to go shooting through your skull, through your brain. _It hurts_.

The first thing you manage to hear again in the sound of him apologizing profusely. Did you cry out? You want to touch the area yourself, to work out why the fuck it hurts so much, but your limbs are heavy and... well... _your hands_...

'KK, it'th ok,' you say instead, trying to speak normally despite the pain. 'Really, KK, I'm fine.' You actually hear him swallow, and maybe you're being a bit harsh, because you can't imagine yourself doing anything different in his place... But you want answers to questions you haven't had the chance to _ask_ yet and he is taking too long to get over this.

'What happened?' you demand, trying to sound stronger than you feel. Which is tough, considering the fact that your mouth is still dryer than the desert and your limbs are about as sturdy as cooked spaghetti right now. It's hard, but you try. 'Where am I? Ith everyone ok? Are _you_ ok?'

'You... you passed out,' he says, still fumbling with his words and obviously speaking through tears. 'Just before the others got here... And, they're fine, I guess, but—'

'But what?'

'I... stuff happened...'

' _What thtuff??_ ' You don't just want to know: you _need_ to know. You _need_ to know that your rescuers are alive and safe or you don't know what will happen.

Karkat takes a deep breath before he speaks. It hardly helps to sooth your growing anxiety.

'They're all alive,' he says first, and that makes you feel much more at ease. 'Kanaya... well, she lives on the other side of the goddamn planet so of course she's ok... Like I said, everyone's _alive_...' He trials off. You open your mouth to speak, but he quickly fills the silence for you.

'I will tick them off on metaphorical fingers,' he says hurriedly, hitching you up a little higher, refusing to let go for even a second. His arms must be getting tired but fuck, you pray he won't let go. 'Feferi is doing swimmingly -pun... fucking intended, I don't even give a shit anymore – though she's as worried about you as everyone; Eridan's nursing a broken diamond but who the fuck expected that relationship to last much longer anyway, God knows how much he hid from her... Gamzee is completely unscathed because he's an insane clown or something, but Terezi got a bit jacked up – she's fine though!' Karkat pauses for a moment. You wait.

'Equius was a selfish freak and didn't want to join in with getting you out of there _at all_ , although he is being useful now. We're at his hive. He's—' Karkat falters '—he's making your new... yeah...' Karkat trails off. You know what he ended up not being able to say, and you are surprisingly alright with the fact that you definitely lack parts of your body and that they aren't just numb. You kinda always knew, you guess. Besides, you'll be getting new ones.

No way of getting the ship back, though…

'Nepeta broke her arm,' Karkat continues, after another deep breath. 'But Equius set it and put it in this metal brace thing and said it'll heal ok... Aradia got... pretty badly smashed up, actually... but she'll be alright! Actually, she _is_ alright, mostly – she just needs help walking still. Vriska had 'all of the luck' as per usual, and didn't get hurt at all, but Tavros definitely didn't and... he's in the other block...' Karkat trails off again. You are torn between feeling relieved – everyone's alive! – and horrified – _friends got hurt_. But mostly, you are still hungering for more answers, which Karkat is quick to supply.

'Also, Tavros and Vriska are _matesprits_ now!' he exclaims, sounding almost scandalized. You are pretty shocked yourself. ' _I know!_ ' he says in response to your expression. 'And apparently, they've been together for _perigees!_ ' He says it like he’s sharing the gossip of the sweep with you.

'But thhe tried to make him jump off a cliff!'

'Mm-hm! It is _weird_ , but also apparently genuine. She was... pretty upset.' Karkat's voice slows, his tone becomes sadder. 'I mean... _for her_. Seriously, I had literally no idea she get like that. I just...' He's run out of words. _Karkat Vantas_ has run out of words. You feel as if you should be recording this historic moment... and indeed you would be, if you still had the available equipment...

'What about you?' you say softly. This has become the most pressing issue.

'What _about_ me?' He sounds suddenly guarded, and you feel your eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. It was a perfectly reasonable question to ask, you thought.

'Are _you_ ok,' you rephrase. 'I mean... you were hurt, weren't you?'

'I got hit on the head,' he says shortly. You have honestly no idea why he's suddenly being so terse. It is stupidly upsetting, too.

'What'th wrong?' you ask softly. Instead of answering immediately, Karkat fiddles around with something behind you for a few seconds before settling you onto the mound of pillows that have suddenly appeared there. Another few questions: why no sopor? What are you lying on? Feels like a load of cushions, actually, and blankets...

And since when were you so easily distracted?

'I... Sollux...' Karkat sounds sort of hopeless. He takes your wrist (wrist, not hand, because you don't have hands anymore, _fuck_ it's weird) and folds his fingers around it, too gently to hurt. 'What do you remember? You said you wanted to... to see me one last time, right?' He has to force the words out, and maybe you should feel upset but you don't. Your memories are safe, and you quickly conjure up the last image you can remember: Karkat, tired and scared, streaked with blood and holding you very, very tightly. You remember the feel of that too: the feel of his heartbeat, how warm his arms had been around you...

'Yeth. Yeth I did. And I remember it. What about it?' Karkat mutters something under his breath that sounds a mix between infuriated and exasperated, and is probably a creative curse.

'You saw my blood, right?' he mutters, almost too quietly for you to hear.

'Yeah, that'th why I athked if you were ok.' Karkat's sigh is despairing, and you can imagine him clutching at his horns in frustration.

'The _colour_ , you imbecile, what about the _colour?_ ' You have to think very hard about it, for far longer than a normal troll with a functioning brain, but eventually you _do_ get it and the information hits you like a tonne of bricks.

 _OH_.

'KK...' You begin, and then don't know where to go with it. How _are_ you meant to say it? You realize your friend (and maybe-lover oh God) is completely off the hemospectrum after God-knows how long of talking to him and not even being in love is an excuse this time.

'Yeah, I'm a mutant,' he says savagely, bitterly. You feel yourself frowning again.

'Don't thay it like that.'

'Sollux, I am walking cullbait.'

'Tho?' Honestly it doesn't matter all that much to you because the hemospectrum never really _did_. Sure, it creates more questions, a few of which no one will probably be able to answer. But you are... ok with it, now that the initial shock has worn off. You are ok with a lot of things, including this. The only problem now is telling KK that in a way that he will definitely understand...

'I don't mind,' you say simply.

'...What,' is Karkat's reply, not even as a question. Now it is your turn to heave a sigh of exasperation.

'KK,' you say seriously, 'your blood could be... could be glittering liquid rainbows and I wouldn't mind! You'd thtill be you, and... and I would thtill love you.'

'You mean it?' he whispers. Glittering liquid rainbows aside, that was a pretty deep sentence you just spewed out. Someone should write it down or something.

'Do I ever lie? ...Oh, wait.' Your lips quick into a smile, and then a grin. But you quickly sober, not because it’s painful (which it is), but because he needs to hear this, right now, or you will regret it for the rest of your existence. 'But I do mean it, KK,' you say earnestly.

Karkat chuckles, sounding slightly hysterical.

'Oh, my God... can I kiss you? Please, can I just... _kiss_ you?' You imagine him blushing furiously, cheeks tinged with bright, beautiful red, and you grin again.

'Be my guetht.'

The kiss is incredibly sappy and sloppy and exactly how a first kiss should be – innocent and sweet. You feel the whatever-it-is you're lying on depress beside you, and then Karkat is wrapping his arms very awkwardly (but firmly) around your body as he lies down next to you.

'My boyfriend is a mutant,' you say out loud, more to come to terms with the word 'boyfriend' than 'mutant'. Karkat says nothing and you get the feeling that you may have ruined the moment slightly, but you feel too happy to give many shits.

Then: 'how did the otherth take it?' You don't need to know this but if anyone was or is going to be an ass to KK because of his blood, you want to be able to give them a piece of your mind. And psionic power, preferably.

'Ok,' Karkat replies, sounding hesitant. You can feel the conversation wandering towards an uneasy topic. 'I mean... Well, Gamzee knew, it's of the reasons why we're moirails... And I think that Terezi always had had suspicions about it, with her freakish nose and shit. All she said was that it smelled delicious...' he takes a slightly shaky breath.

'You don't have to tell me,' you say quickly. 'If you don't want to, it's fine.'

'No, I'm fine... No one actually _tried_ to cull me, although I think Vriska wanted to and Equius wasn't exactly pleased when he found out, but...' He trails off again. 'It's ok, I'm ok, you're ok. Everything is ok.'

'You're cute,' you smile, not entirely sure where that thought came from. Karkat huffs.

'Shut up. I'm not.' At least it distracted him.

'Yeth you are.' You can imagine him blushing again.

'I said shut up, 'Thollukth'.' You can only laugh. Seconds pass in silence while you bask in the glory of newfound romance, before it is thoroughly shattered by Karkat's mouth.

'Two girls,' he mutters, 'who would willingly take you. Two girls, and you pick the mutant who barely even noticed when you disappeared off the internet.' You turn your head (ow) and attempt to bite some part of him. You are unsuccessful but hopefully the message got across.

'Two girlth who'd willingly take _you_ ,' you retort, 'and you pick the blind cripple who did nothing but panic for a perigee or two. We're even, douthhebag.' Karkat growls something under his breath, before tucking himself slightly closer. You find his shoulder and lean your head on it, and then have to stifle a yawn. This interaction has been more tiring than you'd realized.

'Go back to sleep, idiot,' Karkat mutters. 'You were running a fever for four nights straight, on top of all the damage done to your mutated body. Get some more rest. I'll be right here.' You _are_ tired, and although you want him to tell you _everything_ that happened in as much detail as is verbally possible, sleeping doesn't sound like such a bad idea...

'Bluh,' you mumble. 'Shut up then.' He shifts about a bit and then goes still. Your body hurts and you can't see and there are some vicious holes in your memory and probably in your pan too... But Karkat is there, beside you, and he is warm and soft and very real.

You'll be ok.

\- The End -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, folks! This fic is officially over and see, still no sadstuck in the tags. All is good and well.
> 
> ........................................OR IS IT?????????????
> 
> Expect to see some stand-alone stuff soon. A sequel will be some time in the future, if I do one, but i certainly have ideas for one! I'm not sure what I'll call this series, but yeah. Look out for more.
> 
> Also, asking questions about plotholes or things you don't understand will help, so don't be afraid to mention them! I'd rather answer Qs by writing lil fics than going to individuals and having only one person know at a time.
> 
> And, of course, please infom me of any errors in this chapter =)

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the log: http://www.trollplay.net/logs/3354216.html
> 
> Hopefully that'll work...
> 
> Some of the dialog was from the original RP, and yes I did get permission =)


End file.
